No one ever expects their partner to be unfaithful. But if you find yourself dealing with the consequences of infidelity, it’s natural to want to understand why your significant other chose to break your trust. While no explanation can excuse your partner’s actions and decision to cheat, understanding the different types of infidelity could provide some insight into why it may have happened, potentially easing some of the confusion you’re feeling. This understanding can also help you feel more confident in how to move forward with your partner, whether that involves working on mending your relationship or moving on if you decide to split up.
To help you navigate this difficult scenario, we’ve created a simple guide outlining the five types of infidelity and offering tips on what to do if you find yourself the victim of cheating. Before delving into the details, it’s important to remember one crucial fact: Never blame yourself for your partner’s decision to stray; the choice to be unfaithful was entirely theirs. It’s also important to understand that each case of infidelity is unique and serves a different purpose, so please be aware that the explanations provided may not apply to your relationship.
What Is Cheating?
Infidelity, or cheating, is the act of being unfaithful to a spouse or other committed partner. “Cheating or infidelity is when one partner in a monogamous, committed romantic relationship engages in emotional or sexual relations with someone else outside the relationship. “It involves secrecy and betrayal, and often has negative consequences for one or all parties.”
There are many types of cheating such as emotional, sexual, or even cyber cheating. Emotional cheating is when one partner is emotionally invested in someone else outside the relationship. Sexual cheating is when one partner has sex or engages in sexual activities with someone outside the relationship. Cyber infidelity is when a partner engages in flirtatious online interactions with someone else outside their relationship.
Signs That Indicate Your Partner Is Cheating
Here are six signs that indicate your partner might be engaged in unfaithful behaviour.
- They’ve become extremely secretive.
- Their communication has significantly changed.
- They get upset when you ask simple questions about their whereabouts.
- They suddenly change their grooming habits, or “become very attentive in grooming and dressing up,” explains Dr. Tara.
- They don’t care or are indifferent, about what you’re doing. (“That’s because they’re having fun with someone else,” Dr. Tara notes.)
- They mix up their answers about what they did during a specific time.
There are five different types of infidelity: opportunistic, obligatory, romantic, conflicted romantic, and commemorative. Here, we break down each one and what it might mean for your relationship moving forward.
Opportunistic Infidelity
Opportunistic infidelity happens when a person is in a committed relationship but gives in to their sexual desires with someone else. This type of cheating is usually influenced by the situation, opportunity, risk-taking behaviour, and the use of alcohol or drugs. Not all acts of infidelity are planned or caused by dissatisfaction with the current relationship. Sometimes, it happens unexpectedly due to being under the influence or finding themselves in a situation they didn’t foresee. While this doesn’t excuse the behaviour, it can help to understand why it occurred.
Obligatory Infidelity
This type of infidelity is based on the fear that resisting someone’s sexual advances will result in rejection. People may have feelings of sexual desire, love, and attachment for a partner, but still end up cheating because they have a strong need for approval. It’s their need for acceptance that causes them to act in ways that are at odds with their other feelings. In other words, some people cheat not because they want to cheat, but because they need the approval that comes along with having the attention of others.
Romantic Infidelity
A deficit in an existing relationship can sometimes lead people to have extradyadic affairs. This type of infidelity occurs when the cheater has little emotional attachment to their partner. They may be committed to their relationship and making it work, but they long for an intimate, loving connection with someone else. If married, their commitment to the marriage will likely prevent them from leaving their spouse, but their desire to cheat will continue until they resolve their issues with their partner.”
Conflicted Romantic Infidelity
This type of infidelity occurs when people experience genuine love and sexual desire for more than one person at a time. Despite our idealistic notions of having only one true love, it is possible to experience intense romantic love for multiple people at the same time. While such situations are emotionally possible, they are very complicated and tend to create a lot of anxiety and stress. In this case, cheating partners, in their attempt not to cause anyone harm, often end up hurting everyone.
Commemorative Infidelity
This type of infidelity occurs when a person is in a committed relationship but has no feelings for their partner. There is no sexual desire, love, or attachment, only a sense of obligation keeping the couple together. “Lacking love and lacking commitment to a current romantic partner are both tied to general feelings of relationship dissatisfaction.
Some individuals rationalize cheating by convincing themselves that they have the right to seek what they are missing in their current relationship. Unmet sexual needs often factor into this. According to DiDonato, “Perhaps in their committed relationship, people are not having the amount, type, or particular sexual activities that they desire, which can lead them to cheat.”
What to Do After Your Partner Has Cheated
If you’ve confirmed that your partner is cheating on you. Some people take this time to cry it out, scream about it, and maybe talk to a trusted friend or therapist. Then, if you feel safe confronting your partner, “have a sit-down conversation with them as calmly as you’re able to. “This conversation can start with honesty from your side of how you found out and what you know now. Communicate that you want to hear from their side, their point of view. Why did they do it?”
After dealing with infidelity, it’s important to decide the future of your relationship. You can choose to continue the relationship, take a break, or end it. If you decide to continue, consider seeking the help of a couples counsellor. Whether your relationship survives will depend on the type of infidelity and the effort both partners are willing to put in.
