The greatest emotional need of a man is what he achieves in his career but for some women, it is the quality and security in their marriage. Some Ghanaian women are, therefore, obsessed with marriage and, especially, weddings. Each day, each moment, most single women dream of their wedding – the dress, makeup, exchange of vows, photographs and reception.
Unfortunately, the obsession about marriage is compounded by the mindset of most Ghanaians that the only honour of a woman is marriage. Single adults, no matter how much they have achieved, do not get maximum respect.
Most Ghanaian women will, therefore, do all they can to get married. Some are known to have bought cars, air tickets and even houses for men in exchange for marriage and some get duped in the end. A couple of years ago, a man was arrested for duping 13 women.
His strategy was to cash in on the greatest emotional need of a woman. He simply promised to wed them. Some weeks later, he would go to each of them with up to date preparations and the bill for the wedding. Each of the women paid up in full! Today, some Ghanaian women would readily pay for the bride price and other costs just to be married.
Is this right?
No, it is not right
In marriage, it is the man who goes in for the hand of the woman. In the Ghanaian tradition, the heart of marriage is the payment of the ‘tri nsa’ or “head rum” by the man. A man must pay for this himself to take the pride that he has married the woman. Love costs, and paying the bride price is part of the price you pay for a woman you love.
A man who cannot pay ‘tri nsa‘ is really not a man who is ready to marry. Allowing your woman to do what you are expected to do is simply surrendering your authority to the woman. The one who pays the bills runs the show and threatens your self-esteem.
Such a ceremony in the spirit of tradition lacks merit. A woman must also take pride in her womanhood and self-esteem. If you pay for what a man is expected to pay, you simply tell the man you are being ignored on the shelf and have, therefore, put yourself up for ‘donkomi’ or‘ reduction sale’.
In many cases, that come to me, one sad thing that cuts across is that in the event of conflicts, the man is quick to say that the marriage was not his idea in the first place, but it was the woman who forced it on him. This hurts a woman’s pride.
Yes, it is right
Love is not about money. It is about sharing life. Once you marry, you become one flesh and it does not matter who paid for what. If your man is poor and cannot pay for your bride price and you can afford it, pay for him and get the man of your dreams. Many women have met men of their dreams who are poor.
These women virtually pick men from the street, support and transform them into confident and successful men. Some of these men are always grateful to their wives and keep loving them. Unfortunately, many men, after making it through the support of their women, now suddenly realise that their wives are uneducated, old and not beautiful and, therefore, not their taste.
They ignore their wives for adventure and risky lifestyles.
It can be a painful pay-back for a woman’s sacrifice.
Marriage is a team game that requires the combined effort of both partners. Both must, therefore, contribute to the marriage ceremony. Today, it is common for the woman to buy her suitcases, clothes and sponsor the reception while the man takes care of the rest including the ‘tri nsa’ or the bride price because it has a spiritual significance that a woman is given to you to share your life for life.
Such a cooperative attitude helps you to fight economic battles in your marriage. It is, therefore, a good idea for a woman to support her man at all stages of the relationship. What a woman must not do is buy her way through her marriage because what money buys, money can destroy.
Keep a good balance in your relationship and marriage.
BY: By Dr John Boakye