Many a time, people turn to think that love alone is enough to carry on through a relationship that could lead to marriage. Yes! Love is only but an element in a relationship, especially if the relationship is geared towards marriage. Many relationships, in the past have broken down due to the wrong perceptions of love and what to expect.
Let’s see some of the “what ifs” that linger on the minds of people, thereby causing them problems or better still stagnant in decision making. People ask questions like;
- Is this man or woman good for me?
- Is this the mind of God?
- What if he can’t take care of me?
- What if the parents reject my choice?
- What if he/she cheats on me?
- What if I leave him/her, what will people say?
- What if this relationship or marriage breaks?
- What if our blood groups/sickling conflicts?
Those and many more are the questions that people ask, creating a lot of confusion in the minds of people. Sometimes in life, when one gets to the stage of marriage, people often ask “what ifs” based on the partner’s finances, job security, height, weight, tribe and all. All those questions, yes are okay to ask. But then again, have you as a person sat down to take stock of your life?
Have you analysed your character, potentials and visions? If yes, then confusion in your mind with regards to some of these what-ifs should rest. Take for instance, a person that asks, what if he is not good for her. Now it boils down to what are your expectations, with regards to the relationship, you are in? Again, how good are you? Relationship is work!
It takes two to tango or make it work. What makes you ask if your partner is good or not? When you can find answers to these questions, you then have made a headway into your next line of action. In a relationship, which you see a future with, one must take time to study the partner well enough to know where and what one is venturing into.
Marriage is a serious institution that people must take their time before entering into, knowing that it can make or break you. In one’s quest for marriage, let’s not leave God out of it. Let us also know that whatever means you start your relationship you will have to sustain in the same way. A relationship based or centered on God needs God and prayer to sustain it.
A lot of youngsters these days fear to venture into marriages for possible what ifs? Sometimes, the stories people hear about marriages make them scared or dreads to enter. The question of “what if’ he or she cheats comes in. These days most marriages are collapsing because of cheating. How does one deals with this?
Sometimes people in Abusive relationships and marriages are stuck in there, some die or even end up in mental institutions. Some get depressed and so on because of what-ifs; sometimes one may find themselves in Abusive marriages, let’s take for instance, a woman that has a short-tempered man and that man is also violent.
The man in a little misunderstanding gets mad and beats up his wife/woman, this doesn’t happen once! It becomes a normalcy at home. They have kids who probably get affected psychologically and emotionally. The woman is probably dying but “what if I leave’, what will people say? These “what-ifs’ have drawn many people to their early graves. If only these people will rise and take bold decisions! Again, what if my family doesn’t support my decision? Hmmm, what-ifs are killing a lot of people physically, emotionally and psychologically.
Despite all these, let’s not forget that fellowship with one’s partner is fuel to the body and soul, let’s begin to access ourselves and study our partners. If it’s something we can deal with it or compromise, let’s do it. Let’s go for that relationship, especially when the other party involved is ready to work and let it be a win-win situation. No one is perfect, we all have our flaws, but in all of these, let us seek God in our quest for good relationship and partners.
Let us diligently look into each other’s lives and dig out what we can or cannot take. If you fully access yourself and know what you can and what we cannot take, what your values and dreams are in life, yes we may have ‘what ifs’ or doubts, but we shall overcome.
Make sure you are at peace in your spirit concerning your partner before advancing. If you have an abusive man/woman, run before it advances, for no one will change after marriage. We all magnify our characters after marriage.
If one wishes to change, it’s a good step that should be taken before marriage. Let’s act wisely, maturely and godly in our quest for good relationships and partners. Let’s above all communicate with God and also with our partners, addressing our fears and grievances and God we seek will help us. Let the Lord bless and direct our paths, to the right people and places and settle all fear and doubts concerning our partners, Amen!
Author: Benjamin Freshhope Mensah