BEFORE AND AFTER “I DO”.

“I Kojo Badu, take you Mansa to be my lawfully wedded wife, to love and to hold in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, till death do us part”. This is a popular wedding vow we hear more or most often at weddings. Have we stopped to break it down and digest these vows we recite to each other? 

Marriage is a serious institution and must be ventured into with forehand knowledge, let’s know that, marriage can make or unmake a person. It can either be your beginning of doom or better things. It is often said that “marriage is a life imprisonment sentence, so one must choose their partners carefully”. A ring is a token of your love to your partner, it could be a never-ending circle of bondage, so be careful whose ring you wear. 

Before we marry, we must spend time to research into what we are entering into, just like we research our thesis and project or works, our business we want to execute, we must spend quality time to know what we want to put our heads and lives into. First of all, who is your partner? Why do you choose this partner among the lot? What is the spark between you two? What are your values? What are your dreams and aspirations? 

How and where do you picture yourself in the next few years? Is your partner sharing in your aspirations? Are your paths linked in a way? Are both of you on the same page in life? In case of eventualities and changes, say the loss of job, accident, and weight gain and so on, how does your partner feel? Do you feel secured, valued and a sense of belonging? Is your heart at peace? These and many more are some of the questions we need to answer before we say the life-changing word “I do”. Do you share the same beliefs? 

In fact, there are 1001 questions one needs answers to, just before answering the question “do you take and your answer I do” your answer affects a whole generation. Think through all these before you say “I do”. It’s very important that we all take our time and not rush into choosing partners or prison mates that we will later regret for the rest of our lives. Who you choose as a partner, let us note that the fellow forever becomes a part of your history. Choose right! marriage has nothing to do with how well organized or expensive your wedding is. 

The real marriage starts from the day you say “I do” and after you have said that comes the work. After we have answered these questions above, we must endeavour to seek counselling. If there are things you see about your partner and you know you clearly can’t deal with, run! Not everything you must compromise, because, after marriage, people only magnify their character.

Don’t be deceived, people don’t change after marriage, they worsen in most cases. Don’t court a womanizer and say, the person will change after marriage; my dear it doesn’t work that way. Any changes should and must be before marriage not after, none is perfect. We must be compatible with our partners, upon realization of certain characters and behaviours, speak to a counsellor if need be.

Make sure your partner loves correction and not full of himself. After “I do” and you begin to live with your partner under the same roof, certain behaviours begin to manifest. We must learn to take the bull by the horn and begin to take charge of our relationship. 

The devil really doesn’t want your marriage to work, so each partner must be on their toes. Its constant work, let none loose guard on their contribution towards the success of the marriage. Men must note that everything you purchase or any machine you purchase needs servicing, service your wife by taking good care of her. Take care of her needs physically, spiritually, sexually and so on, make her hair, dress her and let her be the envy of many. Women, must also make sure they care about the needs of their husbands, physically, spiritually and sexually, make sure he looks better after marriage and not worse. 

When you take her out of her comfort zone, give her the same comfortability or do better. Never serve her below the standards she is used to. Everyone needs to progress and not retrogress in life. It’s wrong taking the fish out of the water and expecting it to survive on land, it will die. The cost of keeping a woman is expensive, you must pray and support your partner. Women must also learn to submit totally to their men, submission for a man is respect, sex and all. Women must also know what they have and know the ability and capability of their men. 

After “I do” comes work; it demands a lot of time and effort. Most marriages collapse also because both partners don’t have or make time for each other. We must learn to separate our jobs from our marriage, treat them both with time, love and attention, especially our family or partners. Maintenance for women is the ish, don’t stop being beautiful and lose yourself in the name of you are now married and no one can occupy your position. After marriage, maintain yourself, still look appealing to your husband. Learning new things after the marriage that will keep your man home. 

Again, one must admit that “it’s only a man that wants to be kept that will be kept”. But in your own little way, do your part as a wife. Both partners must make God and His word the standard for living, God will not shame His own. Bibles say; trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, [Proverbs 3:5, 6]; let us seek the face of the Lord in our marriages, God is the ultimate decider. Let’s commit our ways and marriages to Him. 

Couples must learn to nourish each other, learn to uphold each other in the highest esteem and let each play their role in the marriage. Let’s note as men that “goods sold are not returnable”; but that does not mean stay in till your die when things are not going well and all possible options have failed. So please, mind the items you purchase from the market. For women, choose your cell or prison mate well, the man could be your worst nightmare. There is nothing more killing than marrying a man who doesn’t have your wellbeing at heart or a woman that is lazy and verbally abusive. 

Let God help us deal with some of these things and also help us choose our partners well. Marriage is beautiful and meant to be enjoyed and not endured. Let God direct us and order our steps into finding the right partners. Women, pray for good leaders and priest, men also pray for God to lead them to their helpmates. Let’s bear in mind that, it is better to marry late than to marry the wrong partner, putting a square peg in a round hole, it will never fit. God bless us all in our endeavours. Amen

Witten by © Benjamin Freshhope Mensah