Life after the wedding cannot be the same. However, why do these differences occur and what can be done about it? What happens in the life of a girl before and after marriage? Here are nine ways in which relationships change before and after a couple says, ‘We Do’.
The involvement of families
When you get married, the involvement of families is but natural. Matters never do really remain between the two of you. Even in relationships where couples lead supremely independent lives and have the freedom to make their own decisions and choices, families – his and hers – will have a say.
In successful love after marriage stories, cooperation by families plays an important role. But if the families turn out to be meddlesome, laying down rules and regulations, trying to influence either of the partners, then the marriage becomes ripe for conflicts. In the dating or even living-in phase, couples tend to be left to their own devices. But post-marriage things change.
You tend to become a bit careless
The 10th date is not like the first date. In the initial stages of a relationship, a man and woman are on their best behaviour. They make special efforts at looking great, being charming and trying to hide their weaknesses. But love changes after marriage and we will tell you how. The more you get used to your partner, the pretences and facades drop.
You start becoming more comfortable in your natural state. Eating crumbs of chips off your shirt, kissing them without brushing your teeth — the whole enchilada. Since time has passed and one is not worried about ‘losing’ their partner anymore, one eases into a more normal routine where they act more like themselves.
Love after marriage often changes because the effort to woo your partner is no longer there. You revert to your natural self as you no longer need to ‘impress’ your better half. This kind of comfort level is great, but the less effort you put, the sooner the attraction fades. So even though it’s good that you feel easy around them and can be your best self, there is a fine line before that quickly turns into a dullness.
Love seems more secure
The adrenalin rush might give way to a warm, fuzzy and comfortable feeling after you marry the love of your life. Marriage is a huge commitment and brings about a certain sense of security. Of course, it is not a guarantee that the relationship will last, but it is tougher to break a marriage than it is to break a relationship. So one feels like they’ve made achieved something massive after due persistence and effort, and have thus finally won the woman or man of their dreams.
Love after marriage, therefore, brings with it a certain surety and promise of a long-term association. If the relationship is strong, it can lead to contentment and happiness. That’s the main thing about the qualities of a relationship before and after marriage. There’s only more and more connectedness to look forward to. When you are sure you want to be together, you move on to the next phase – raising a family.
The purpose of money is different
Like it or not, money plays its part in the success of a relationship. Love before marriage means you splurge on each other with gifts, vacations and what not. Once you are together, these very things may seem to be frivolous as you try to build a life together. Remember when he’d send you a rose every day to your desk at work? Yeah, that might stop happening once you two are married. Or remember the time she bought you that watch that cost half her monthly paycheck on your birthday? Well maybe this year, you’ll have to do with a home-cooked brisket and that’s it.
Priorities change and that’s when the changes between love before marriage vs love after marriage start showing. Buying a house, building assets and securing yourselves for a good future become important while you try to reduce expenses and the temptation to spend on each other. Earlier, all the money was to splurge, impress and enjoy. Now it’s more about stability. Money issues can ruin a relationship, if not handled well.
Sexual attraction fades
Oops! This is perhaps the most difficult thing about how love changes after marriage. Buckle up, because you might not want to hear this one. If you have heard that guys change after marriage, it mostly refers to their sexual attraction. A lot of factors may impact the sex drive, most notably stress, boredom, the mundane routine of married life and so on. The lack of interest in sex is seen equally in men as well as women, so let’s not point fingers at either gender too quickly.
It may be difficult to retain the same sexual attraction for a long time for a single partner which is why it is necessary to invest in your relationship regardless of the time you spend with each other. Earlier the thrill, the passion and the excitement was something else. But now that you crash in the same bed every day after a long day at work, an undercooked dinner and dishes that you’ve blown off for tomorrow — the sex might just suffer. The pulls and pressures of married life do often take a toll on a couple’s sex life and may even lead to a sexless marriage if not addressed.
There is more adjustment
The biggest relationship and marriage difference after the vows have been made is this one. So pay close attention. Earlier, fights used to be petty. But now things are different. Your outlook towards conflicts changes after marriage and more so, after a child or two. During the dating phase, couples are generally less tolerant of each other. Agreed, conflicts may not arise too often as it is the pre-married phase but in long-term relationships, fights do creep in.
If however, the same argument rises after marriage, a couple is usually willing to give each other a chance especially in the initial years. Simply because, walking out isn’t an option, so it’s much smarter to just stay and make things work. At the back of their mind, they know they have to give it a shot whether they like it or not since this is someone they’ve chosen to be their life partner. It’s only when these fights increase and become recurring, that the thought of separation comes in.
Increased responsibilities impact love
If you do not want love to reduce after marriage, learn to accept responsibilities that come with it. Love before marriage also brings its own pressures, but in this case, decisions can be unilateral and you do not feel responsible for your partner’s life and plans. So if you’re thinking about what are the differences in the life of a girl before and after marriage? It may be that she has to align all her goals with that of her husband’s.
After marriage, a lot of plans become common and need to follow the same trajectory. Ambitions and desires need to be aligned as you are sharing a life with someone. You may be required to be more responsible for things you rarely thought of earlier – housework, raising a family, sharing bills and so much more. Whatever you choose to do, you must do it together. You can’t simply take up a job 500 miles from home because you want to. You need to run it by your partner and arrive at a decision.
Change in expectations
A relationship before and after marriage undergoes a massive change in expectations. Perhaps the biggest difference in love before marriage vs love after marriage lies in managing expectations. When you fall in love, the other person becomes the centre of your universe. You often have more expectations from yourself than your partner, resulting in positive feelings all along.
Once you are married, automatically, the burden of living up to expectations is passed on to your partner. You often expect your partner to understand you perfectly and behave accordingly since you believe s/he knew you before the marriage.
Loving the small aspects
Does love last after marriage? Yes, absolutely. Ask all the old married couples who still hold hands when they go on walks and can’t go to bed without kissing each other ‘good night’. When you get attracted to someone, you are usually looking at his or her special qualities and talents. Your focus is entirely on what is special about them or things that really stand out. You build a positive, constructive image and play it on loop.
But marriage and staying together for a long time teaches you to pay attention to the smaller aspects of the personality. The tiny details you did not bother to notice before. You may or may not like everything that you see but a lot of facets that were consciously or unconsciously hidden from you come to the fore. You learn to appreciate the smaller points, understand them better because of them and learn to be more balanced in your approach.
When it comes to love after marriage, romance books may eulogize the wedding and all that comes thereafter. However, life is a mixed bag and the only way to move forward is to have a clear understanding and acceptance of what marriage is, the sacrifices and understanding that is needed to keep a relationship going. And most importantly, the willingness to give as much as you are willing to take.
