When people are under stress or pressure in relationships, they either run away, fight, quarrel, avoid each other or blame someone for what is happening in their relationships. This is what we call the Blame Game. This game is a way people avoid shouldering responsibility for issues happening in and around them. The blame game is like poison in a relationship.
Most times, the one at the receiving end of the blame, finds this act very exhausting, painful and frustrating. As it stands, life is a great struggle, everyone, one way or the other has a lot going on in their lives and so the moment blame game comes into the relationship you should know it is headed for doom.
Why do people do the blame game? Most people who do this blame game most of the times are the ones wrecking the relationship with their character and attitude and are most of the times looking for a way to either end the relationship, clear their conscience or make the other partner look bad in the light of others.
One must note that those who play the blame game are losers. Taking responsibility for the things that happen around us and our relationships show maturity, once one can take up responsibility, it becomes a starting point for change. For example, you get a cheating husband, blaming his wives for his actions.
This is childish, some of the excuses you hear men to give is that; “their wife has gained a lot of weight after childbirth”. You hear some excuses like she’s not being fun enough. These excuses are flimsy, some men even cheat saying their wives don’t work, as in unemployed and some also say; you don’t get along with my mother.
These reasons again are funny, why blame your wife for all these, she gained weight after childbirth, it is natural and normal for a woman to put on, but what have you done as a man to help you wife? Did you try well enough? You equally get some women who cheat on their husbands saying he isn’t sweet enough, he lost his job and I must survive.
These excuses are flimsy if he is not sweet, have you tried communicating so as to know what you can do to help matters. Both men and women play this blame game. Most sweet relationships have ended because of the blame game. The blame game is a relationship killer, in marriages; it can lead to divorces. Why don’t partners resolve conflicts instead of playing the blame game, if one truly values the relationship or marriage that you are in when issues come, you sit to talk and resolve and then move on from there, rather than blaming each other, which is unhealthy.
The blame game makes partners very defensive against each other, they fight each other, backbite and sometimes withdraw from each other. Its waste of time. Precious time you can spend to know each other more and build yourselves in used or dedicated to getting at each other.
Married couples and partners in relationships must note that to stop some of these blame games that become toxic to the relationship, couples need to change their way of thinking or how they see things because in the blame game we don’t see the real issues.
We just end up pointing fingers at each other while the real issue is starring us in the face. When we blame our partners, we lose focus on the basis for that relationship, we all make mistakes and we must all learn to calm down when issues come up, sit and talk, point out what the real problem is, find out how you both not one contributed to the problems and see what part you all can play in getting the problem resolved and ensuring it doesn’t repeat itself.
We must also not underestimate our ability to change the situation by first changing ourselves. Ask questions like why is my partner behaviour annoying me? Has it always been like this? What are my real needs and expectations? Why am I frustrated when my partner can’t fulfil them?
Did I not communicate well? How can I change my attitude and approach to issues? Each partner must come to this point of realisation, answer these questions and approach your partner calmly to resolve it.
If it is unresolved, you may want to seek counsel from a professional or someone with vast experience, there is always a solution to every problem, let’s stop the blame game, take up responsibility for your actions and trust God, the process and ourselves to make and effect the change. We can be happy in our relationships, only when we stop these blame games.
Written by: © Benjamin Freshhope Mensah
