Now that we have talked about the 3 harsh facts about long-distance relationships and the problems of a long-distance relationship, let’s talk about how we can deal with them. Every kind of relationship has its own set of problems. It’s not so much about the problems as it is about solving them. Ever heard about ‘repair’ and ‘rupture’ in a relationship? A rupture is a break in the connection between two people which can be caused by hurt, distance, or anger in a relationship. Ruptures are a very normal part of any healthy relationship.
However, when repeated ruptures take place without any repair, the relationship starts to become like bricks in the wall, inanimate. Love is replaced by bitterness leading the relationship to disintegrate. Repair is restoring a connection that was lost during rupture. Repairing is a way to bring you closer to your partner. This comes with the realization that the relationship is more important than the problem. The goal is to understand where things went wrong and how to overcome that. Below are a few ways in which you can repair your long-distance relationship even before the rapture happens.
Communication is key
Communication is one of the most important factors of any healthy and happy relationship. It is about connecting and using your verbal skills to fulfil your and your partner’s needs in the relationship.
Communicate to your partner about how you feel about this arrangement, what you want differently, or how you want your partner to support you. Might seem like an easy task, right? But it’s not easy communicating your vulnerabilities over a call or a screen without physical validation for the same.
You become more mindful of noting voice discrepancies in an LDR because by now, you know exactly how they sound when they are joyous, how they sound when they are tired, when they are jumping around with excitement, or when they are going through the blues.
Always pay attention to the small details
When you communicate better and get better at listening, you start to pick up on the small details. You know when they sound low on energy if they are not as jumpy as they usually are – you know all the unique ways your partner expresses themselves.
These small details matter a lot. When you notice these intricate details of your partner, you do not only tell them that you pay attention to what they’re saying or doing, but you’re also telling them how much you value what you both have.
Remember the first of the 3 harsh facts about long-distance relationships that we talked about? That it’s tiring to make an LDR work sometimes. Trust us, your efforts will be minimized when you pay attention to little things from the start. It’ll become a habit and won’t be a task anymore once you see how rewarding it is for the relationship.
Don’t assume anything
When we don’t have the whole picture, we connect the dots and make them whole. It’s a natural human tendency. That’s what we do in relationships as well. Don’t assume anything even though you’re tempted to. Even if the assumptions are coming easily to you while waiting for your partner’s answers, even if it’s giving you relationship anxiety. Assumptions give rise to huge ruptures, the repairs for which take a long time.
Communicate with your partner. Talk to them about things you are assuming. Be open about it, chances are that they have their own set of assumptions as well. Have clear pathways of communication where there is very little to no room left for assumptions. Whatever comes to your mind, talk it out.
Don’t let it get boring
Don’t let your relationship get as mundane as waking up, dropping a text to your partner, going about your day, maybe a call to your partner, and then off to sleep. Spice and jazz it up a bit. Do things that you would do if you both were together – just do them virtually. Take advantage of all the tech revolution.
Go out on virtual food dates, have movie dates, and maybe start a new Netflix show you both can watch together. Send each other surprise deliveries, don’t let it get predictable. Send each other saucy texts, have lots of phone sex, or any form of virtual sex while being safe (of course). Don’t feel limited because you both are separated by distance, there is so much still you both can do. Explore those options.
Prioritize other stuff
Prioritizing things other than your relationship is very important especially if you are in an LDR. Otherwise, it will get lonely very soon. Talk to people, and build connections with your friends and family. Build a solid support system for yourself.
Create your routine and your schedule which doesn’t revolve around your partner. Do make a routine where you have time for yourself and the things you want to do, including the time that you will spend with your partner. Set personal goals for yourself and make a plan on how to achieve them. The idea is that you grow in a holistic sense, your relationship will grow as the entire ‘you’ grow in the relationship as well.
Have an expiry date for the distance
Like any relationship out there, long-distance relationships take time, work, and communication. In this case, these conversations can also include discussing a timeline of the distance and the expiry date for the long-distance part of the relationship (if that’s what you both want). Don’t be scared to plan when you both will be together in the same city or even the same home.
The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.” You would also need to prepare for when the distance comes to an end. When the LDR ends, both of you will enter a new phase of your relationship and will need time to adjust to a new routine of living together, or in the same city. This will be a huge change for both of you. You would have to unlearn and relearn new things about each other. This is a kind of repair that has the potential to strengthen your bond.
Let’s end with this quote from Nicholas Sparks’ The Notebook that serves as a reminder to work through things we choose for ourselves: “It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be really hard. And we’re going to have to work on this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me.”
