6 Truths You Need To Know About Marriage Before Saying “I Do”

Before committing to marriage, it’s essential to be aware of some important truths. Although many aspects of marriage are wonderful, it’s not always smooth sailing. The transition from being boyfriend and girlfriend to husband and wife is a significant life change, so it’s vital to understand what to expect before committing.

• Your future spouse is not a work in progress

You cannot go into marriage thinking, “I don’t like this aspect about my spouse, but that’s OK, I’ll change that about them after we get married.” While the both of you will change as the years go by, you can’t go in wanting to change your sweetheart to fit your ideal. That’s just not how marriage works. Instead, choose to accept them as they are, flaws and all. If you really want a specific attribute in a spouse, find a partner who already has those qualities instead of marrying someone who you want to change.

• The silent treatment is not the way to go

You may have been able to get away with being passive-aggressive with your roommates or siblings, but when it comes to your spouse, using the silent treatment should not be an option. It’s important to be open and address any issues in your relationship. Instead of giving your spouse the silent treatment as a way to punish them, try to have a mindset of working together to tackle the problem. It’s normal to need some time to cool down after an argument, but resorting to the silent treatment will only create more distance between you. Addressing issues promptly will help strengthen your relationship.

• There’s not just “one person” you’re meant to be with

Everyone has opinions on soul mates, but I believe soul mates are made, not found. In other words, there’s not only one out of the 7+ billion people on this planet who can make you happy; you choose to fall in love with someone who you’re compatible with and then you work together to become each other’s soul mates. Many people fall in love with someone not good for them but get married anyway because they think they’ve found their soul mate – before you decide to get married, make sure you’re not just getting married because “it feels right”.

• The first year is pretty darn hard

There’s so much excitement building up to your wedding day, but saying “I do” isn’t the end game. In fact, it’s just the beginning. If you thought wedding planning was hard, wait until the first year of marriage. No married couple will deny that the first 12 months is rough – maybe rougher than they expected. Year one of marriage for me was full of not-so-great surprises and trials, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Because my hubby and I went through all those bumps and tumbles together, we reached our one year anniversary so much stronger.

• Getting married to a great person doesn’t make your other issues go away

It would be great if marriage could magically solve all your problems with a kiss at the altar. It might sound naive, but it’s an easy mindset to adopt. I had some body image issues before getting married, and I believed that having a loving husband would make them disappear. Despite my husband telling me I was beautiful every day, I still struggled. I had to realize that he couldn’t erase those deep-seated insecurities – only I could do that. You shouldn’t expect your spouse to fulfill you, because only you can make yourself feel complete.

• Marriage is not about you

In the age of extravagant weddings and social media posts saturated with #relationshipgoals, it’s easy to have the mindset that your marriage will centre around you. After the wedding bells have stopped ringing, reality hits pretty hard. To make a marriage work, you have to step outside of yourself and put your spouse (and kids) before yourself. Marriage is all about doing that chore you hate so that your spouse (who’s had a long day) doesn’t have to.

Reading about the realities of married life may seem discouraging, but living it is truly wonderful. If you understand these truths before tying the knot, both you and your spouse can share a much happier marriage.