My mother–in–law is a witch! She doesn’t want me to be happy with my husband! I wish she will die quick! These and more are what we often hear young ladies in marriages say about their mothers-in-law. Mothers-in-law are the mothers of men you are married to.
Mothers-in-law and daughter’s in-law usually have this conflict going, the question is why? This is usually so because boundaries are not set or both women don’t know their places. At other times, it is the refusal of the sons or husbands to show the place of both women.
Sometimes, one party doesn’t know their limit. Mothers-in-law are supposed to be like mothers to both their sons and their wives. Mothers must have done all they have to do or better still inculcated all values from birth. Mothers are meant to grow their sons and after a while when they grow, limitations must come in.
Some mothers get that bonded to their children to the extent that, they see then as their husbands! Hello mothers, they are your sons! Some mothers are so possessive of their sons, you ask and their reason for that is, “he is my only son or he is my first son, or I suffered to raise him! Daughter’s in-law don’t dispute that fact, some mothers go to the extreme, even at their son’s weddings, they cry.
Some mothers-in-law go to the extent of moving to even stay in their son’s matrimonial homes in the name of they can’t do away with their sons or they want to make sure that he is well catered for. Mothers, let’s know our limits, the Bible said; “a man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife and they shall be one [Genesis 2:24]”; not one with their mothers, but their wives.
Some mothers-in-law are the best. They take on their son’s wives as their daughters and even tend to support them better and make sure their sons treat them right. They guide, teach and counsel, pray with then and wish them well. Unfortunately, most mothers-in-law give rather troubles to their daughter’s in-law. Some come in and say I want to spend a week, they frustrate their son’s wives.
Some mothers-in-law don’t want to see their in-laws working because they say, a woman’s place in in the kitchen and raising kids. But today, times have changed. Both men and women all go to school, they all work. Both men and women have a role to play in the home and in raising the children. Times have changed, some envy their daughters-in-law and you ask why?
They say, they never worked in their time, they have the notion that a woman that works as a man and earns money will not respect their men. May I submit here that, people differ, character and upbringing play a major role here, some mothers are just not content with whatever good their daughter’s in-law do because they feel they gave birth to sons and someone wants to take the son’s love and attention.
Mothers-in-law, please relax, daughters-in-law, your place in your marriage is a wife! You never can take the place of their mother even if you tried! Daughter’s in-law also miss their position and when you want to correct them or show them their place, you hear stuff like “he is my husband”! He makes love to me!
Does he have sex with you when he feels like it? Does he suckle your breast always? These are but a few of the comments that ladies pass. Excuse me ladies, there is a time and season for everything, mothers played their parts you also couldn’t have played. Know that, you are the wife, the help mate of the man.
Some of you daughters-in-law marry and want to take over the men, you sometimes even wish they don’t care for their mothers. If they are sick or demand for something, you tend to complain! Dear daughter-in-law, they raised their kids, and you have no idea how they suffered!
To daughter’s in-law, who deliberately create problems and wishing to separate their husbands and their mothers for no just cause, let me submit to you that, what is good for the goose is also good for the gender. One day, you will have a son, and become a mother-in-law, should you be treated like the way your mother-in-law treats you, would you be ok?
Those whose call their in-laws names, calling them witches without prove, please slow down, you will also grow old someday. If she is a witch truthfully, face her spiritually and leave the physical. Some daughters-in-law, deliberately create problems for their in-laws because of what some friends have said or narrated their experiences with their in-laws to them.
May I submit to you again, that you may have just heard your friend’s side of the story. What if the story you are hearing is a lie or from the hater, who doesn’t want you to be happy? Sometimes, people just envy you and do not wish to see you happy.
Be careful with the information people feed you with. It’s a fact that some of the in-laws are trouble, but even in the troubles, daughter’s in-law, please be patient with them. Men, please do not let your guard down when you decide to marry, you must know that you owe both women responsibilities.
Men, define boundaries for both your women, let your mother know you love her, but she is the property of your dad. Her ruler-ship and queen-ship ends in her home in your home, space is for both you and your wife, and your wife is a queen in her home.
Once she understands her place both will be fine. She cannot come and dictate in your wife’s home. Mother’s, your children have grown, left and cleaved, allow them space to grow their families. Too much interference will cause conflicts in their young marriage.
Allow them to make their mistakes and create their own experiences. Men, also learn to understand you and your wife become one body when you marry. Take sides with her, when she is right. Never let your mother take her place as a wife. Cooking, cleaning, going places with you, and discussing anything and everything with her.
Most especially, stop reporting your wife to your mother. You create enmity between them. Deal with your wife as a man, a responsible God-fearing man. Correct your wife with care and in love. If need be, report her to her parents to counsel her or to a counsellor.
But to your family, as a man is like setting charcoal in the coal pot and waiting for kerosene and matches to light it. Marriage is beautiful, it is to be enjoyed not endured! Enjoy your partner and love your mother and family. The love of family is life’s greatest gift, let’s set boundaries and let each person know and respect their space.
Mothers-in-law, allow your children to marry and run their homes, you had yours already, and don’t use your home as the standard for their young home. You started from somewhere. Daughter’s in-law, love and respect your in-laws, don’t overplay or overstep your boundaries.
You give too much space you give, they will try to invade, set the limit, but love them as you love their sons. Treat them with uttermost respect if, for nothing, they gave you a gift, the gift of your man.
Written by © Benjamin Freshhope Mensah