A relationship consultant and columnist, Dr John Boakye, has said that denying a partner sex is biblically considered a sin and is a crime. According to him, marriage is considered sacred in many religions, particularly in Christianity, where sexual intimacy is regarded as an integral aspect of that sacred covenant. “ It also goes against the principles of mutual respect and love that should be shared between couples. If there are issues, it is important to communicate openly and address them rather than using sex as a weapon,” he explained. Dr Boakye was speaking in a discussion on the significance of conflict in relationships, which was held on The Mirror’s X (Twitter) spaces last Wednesday. The one-hour dialogue series was hosted by the Assistant Editor of The Mirror, Hadiza Nuhhu-Billa Quansah.
Significance of conflict in marriages
The discussion tackled how imperative it was for couples to resolve issues in marriage and why divorce should not be the primary solution. “Conflict is a part of any relationship, but how we handle it can make or break it. Practising active listening, empathy and compromise can go a long way in resolving conflicts and maintaining a healthy connection,” Dr Boakye said. He emphasised the importance of open and honest communication, encouraging couples to express their needs, desires and concerns without judgment.
Side-chicks and side-cocks
Dr Boakye noted that the issue of extramarital affairs, which was being described as “side-chick and side-cock”, continued to thrive at an alarming rate because if a partner was not enjoying any kind of intimacy at home, they tended to find it outside. He mentioned that men only needed four things to be kept at home and that included lots of respect, sex, an attractive wife and domestic care.
“The side-chick and side-cock business is real and there are many reasons for it. A man wants respect and 70 per cent of the problem at home will be solved,” he added. He, however, noted that there were some men who no matter what a woman did would still be unfaithful, saying “cheating is in their genes and the greater the genes in their body the greater they will cheat. Some genes in the human body foster cheating.” For women, he said, they needed affection, companionship, commitment and financial security to avoid having a side-cock, stressing the need for men to give their women more money.
Throwing light on the concept of money, he explained that women were caregivers and could be responsible for taking care of the family better than men, hence the need to give women money frequently. This statement ignited a lively discussion, with participants sharing their thoughts on the topic. Some women argued that there were men who were very stingy and hardly gave out gifts. The relationship expert agreed and explained that such men often grew up in poverty and as such, tend to hold on to money.
Make your partner happy
The discussion also touched on ways to make a partner happy in a relationship. Dr Boakye explained some points, including spending quality time, acts of kindness and emotional support as ways to strengthen and deepen connection. “Spending quality time can be done through date nights, shared hobbies, or simple meaningful conversations. Besides, physical affection like hugs, kisses and cuddling can help maintain intimacy and closeness,” he said.
Dr Boakye advised couples to seek help in resolving conflicts from professional counsellors instead of relying on friends or family. He cautioned that friends and family members could be influenced by personal biases, prejudices or envy to give advice which could ultimately harm relationships and push couples to make hasty decisions such as ending their relationships.
He recommended the consideration of a thoughtful reflection on spiritual guidance and seeking the assistance of qualified professionals who could provide non-judgmental advice. This approach, he noted, could significantly contribute to the restoration of relationships. “Apologise even when you think you are right, listen to your partner, forgive, focus and move on. Partners should also be transparent in their activities such as either sharing the passwords to devices or not keeping them at all.”
By: Lydia Ezit and Gloria Apprey