Growing up, sex was a topic we never discussed openly, at least not in my home. Like many typical African households, this subject was surrounded by mystery and taboo. Unfortunately, many of us had to learn about such an important topic from unreliable sources. As a parent today, I am determined to do better. My children will learn about sex from me first. I must teach them the right information before their friends misinform them. In a world that values diversity, equity, and inclusion, I need to guide them in the right direction before the media they encounter does.
Sex is a gift from God to His creatures, meant to bond people until death separates them. I can’t help but think how dull the world would be without it, despite the excitement it brings. However, while sex is a wonderful gift, it can become destructive when abused. Consider this analogy: you buy someone an expensive birthday gift and keep it at home. If they unpack it in haste before their birthday, you will feel disappointed.
This is a fitting metaphor for having sex outside of wedlock. When I got married, I was a virgin, not solely due to my faith, but because I understood the value of this gift. I’ve witnessed many great people fall into deep despair because of illicit sexual relationships. Some have lost their self-worth and wealth due to sexual indiscretion. I’ve seen organisations built over decades on the hard work of many get destroyed because of one person’s lack of sexual discipline.
Sexual indiscipline affects everybody. When a married man gets entangled with other women, he brings shame to his wife and children. When a married woman goes flirting, she brings into this world children who will suffer for no wrong done when a DNA test exposes her.
One may have mastery over everything. However, the greatest mastery they can ever have is mastery over their desires, especially sexual desires. A (wo)man who has achieved great feats in life but has yet to achieve the feat of controlling their libido will soon destroy all the feats they have achieved. Life’s greatest feat is to conquer oneself. A minute of pleasure it may be. However, sex outside of the confines of marriage can bring a lifetime of pain.
The wrong sexual desire can take people to the wrong places. Some are in prison because of uncontrolled libido. Some have lost their lifetime savings because of sex outside of marriage. A minute of gain can cause a whole generation a lifetime of pain! Each day, I remind myself that I am not above shame and disgrace if I do not control my sexual desires. When I see some side-chicks unapologetically sue married men because of unfulfilled promises, I observe and learn. When I see the dirty deeds of some women leak into the public, it is not time to laugh. It is time to learn. It may be them today. It could be me tomorrow if I do not tame the lion called sexual desire roaring inside of me.
Sex is a double-edged sword. While it can be a wonderful aspect of a marriage, it can also lead to shame when experienced in secrecy. It has the power to bring joy to a couple, but it can also cause deep pain if one partner seeks it outside the relationship. Infidelity can break hearts in ways that take a lifetime to heal. Just a moment of pleasure can ruin talented individuals; a single one-night stand has caused some men to sacrifice decades of hard work.
In all you do, prioritise self-control. It’s unwise to boast about having many cars and mansions if you lack restraint when it comes to your sexual desires. The man who can master his lust is the one no one can easily influence or control. When a man takes charge of his emotions, he has firmly grasped his destiny. Nothing can take that away from him.
Sexual indiscipline makes a (wo)man vulnerable. They may seem to be conquering the world, but it will take only a day for everything they have worked for to come tumbling down. A man who will fall for every woman will fall into every trouble. Blackmail will be his daily meal. Until he is intentional about self-control, destruction will come upon him unintentionally. Sexual indiscipline will bring a man to his knees. Despite how much he has built for himself, his addiction will soon tear everything down.
The greatest individuals are not necessarily those who have built successful businesses and accumulated wealth. Rather, they are the ones who stand strong against the temptations of the flesh, particularly sexual desire. It is essential to control your libido before it controls you. Your primary goal should not be to create material possessions but to develop yourself, transforming into a person who rarely succumbs to their desires.
An uncontrollable libido is like fire; it can quickly consume everything in its path, including one’s reputation, leaving nothing behind. A lack of control over sexual impulses can render even the strongest individuals powerless. Many extraordinary people, who were highly talented in their youth, later died regretting the moments when they failed to exercise self-discipline.
You have read and heard about many great people who were reduced to a loaf of bread because of their lust. Do not add to the statistics. Fight your demons every day and keep them locked. There is a price for every pleasure. Never spend your lifetime paying for a pleasure that lasted for a few seconds. It is not a profitable venture.
I will teach my children about sexual discipline. Before I do, however, I must live it. I must show them. Teaching it will go to their heads. Living it will get into their hearts. Sexual discipline is a must for everybody ─ the young, old, small and mighty. No one is too young or old to control their libido. The small need self-control as much as the mighty. Your greatest conquest is the defeat of your pleasures.
Until then, a minute of gain may be your lifetime of pain.
