It isn’t easy to find love. You know, the kind that sweeps you off your feet but helps you land right back on them as well? It’s hard to find someone who can do that for you, but letting them go isn’t an option once you do find them.
Even if it means they are geographically separated from you for a substantial amount of time. In this article, we discuss 3 harsh facts about long-distance relationships (LDRs).
Long-distance relationships are becoming more common because the world has become more accessible than it ever was before. Some even wonder, “Are long-distance relationships better, considering that many people need their space nowadays?” According to the 2019 OkCupid data, 46% of women and 45% of men are open to a long-distance relationship with the right person.
But let’s admit it, LDRs are tough to handle. You welcome yourself to a world of missing, waiting, and more missing. Making any relationship work takes a lot of effort, but the work required to make a long-distance relationship successful is a whole different ball game. When it comes to an LDR, there are questions that come up in our minds, such as: How long do most long-distance relationships last? Or, are long-distance relationships hard? And how to have a successful long-distance relationship?
Well, they are certainly hard and sometimes, downright brutal. So, let’s start with a few candid points about them. Here’s an attempt to bring to you the honest realities of what this romantic bond can feel like with 3 harsh facts about long-distance relationships.
You want to make it work. And you ‘are’ making it work, you both are. Both of you are putting in efforts so that the fire doesn’t die out. But sometimes, you will be tired of doing all of this work. Sometimes, you would want it to be simple instead, and that’s one of the 3 harsh facts about long-distance relationships.
You’ll be tired of making it work sometimes
Like Sylvia, who has been in such a dynamic for 2 years now, puts it, “Some nights, I swear, I just wanted to cry with nothing but him in the room. I wanted no screen, no room for understanding, or putting two perspectives together. Just knowing that he is beside me and holds me as I cry, but that couldn’t happen. At one point, I wanted to give up on the relationship.”
It’s important to know that it’s natural and okay to feel this way. This is just one of the harsh realities of how an LDR can make you feel at times. But are long-distance relationships hard to the extent that you start to wonder if they are worth saving? We’ll find out.
Sustaining a long-distance relationship can be a luxurious affair
The world is more connected now than it ever was. You can reach out to someone who is miles away in just a matter of seconds, but a few minutes or even hours of conversation is sometimes not enough in romance.
It’ll be extremely hard going weeks, months, and in some cases, a year or more, without seeing your partner. The tickets and the other expenses of travelling might get overwhelming after a point. This is one of the 3 harsh facts about long-distance relationships: it is very expensive and this is something you should know before starting a long-distance relationship.
Michael, who has been in a relationship for around 6 months now, mentions, “It was so difficult to manage my finances, alongside my college, to meet my partner. At one point, we got into this huge fight because I didn’t have the funds to visit him for his birthday. It was a mess. He, of course, understood why I couldn’t come, but we were fighting because we missed each other. Apparently, it’s very common to get into arguments in LDRs when you miss your partner terribly.”
It’s not for everyone
It is becoming more common for couples to enter long-distance relationships now, while some have even started to wonder, “Are long-distance relationships better than the ones where the couple stays close to each other?” But let’s be honest here, It’s not for everyone who is young and in love. And that’s the last of the 3 harsh facts about long-distance relationships.
No matter how strong your bond is and how much mutual respect you both have, being away from your partner for this long does and will take a toll on you and your relationship. Before you enter an LDR, it’s generally a good idea to assess if you can do what it takes for your relationship to work.
Are both of you on the same page in terms of the level of commitment required; the time and money you would need to invest; and the honest, gentle, and direct communication skills that you’ll need to have in order to sustain your bond?
Long-distance relationships are tricky and confusing. I have not met anyone who was excited about the fact that they are in an LDR. In fact, quite the opposite. Anyone who has told me they are in such a relationship, had a longing in their voice and were often found dreading the answer to “How long do most long-distance relationships last?” This is especially true for the ones who are in a new relationship, hoping that theirs would last forever.
It’s no surprise that there are a lot of potential relationship problems that can surface in an LDR apart from the 3 harsh truths about long-distance relationships that we have already discussed. However, an important point to note is that any relationship, be it long-distance or short-distance, has a lot of problems that come up in the course of it. It’s how you deal with them that matters the most.
But to figure out what to do about the problem, knowing and understanding it is the first step. Here are a few problems that you can face while being in a long-distance relationship.
Lack of physical intimacy
Missing physical intimacy is like missing the rhythm in which your body wants, or rather needs, to flow in. Imagine your partner rubbing your shoulder whenever they pass you by or looking over at you while you are working hard to get something done. Now imagine not having your beloved by your side when you are stressed to hold your hands or to rub your back. It’s lonely, isn’t it?
Sylvia shares more of her story, “I just wanted him in my personal space at times. To hold me, to gaze at me, to touch me. I realized over time that physical intimacy is my love language and it’s so damn hard to be in a relationship for so long when one of my love languages isn’t being fulfilled.”
The impact of loving words can fade over time
In long-distance relationships, we rely heavily on verbal communication. We either text, phone, or video call our partners a number of times during the day. But for how long? After a point, the impact that those words carry reduces. The words are repeated again and again with no physical validation, which one obviously can’t provide over a screen. These words lose their magic and meaning over time.
Until and unless you write or say how you feel, your partner has no other way to know it. Vocabulary is limited and our ways of using those words are limited. After repeatedly using them, those words could lose their hold on your partner. Even when you improve communication in relationships, it might fall short.
Lots and lots of insecurities
Insecurities are very common and prominent when it comes to long-distance relationships. They, however, mess up our brains and our relationship as well. It puts a strain on you and your partner. This makes things even more difficult than they already were.
LDRs are full of uncertainties. No matter how well you plan every little thing about it, it’ll still be uncertain for the most part. These uncertainties are the playfield that harbours insecurities in a relationship. Every relationship has some levels of insecurities but in an LDR, the intensity of it increases due to the long distance. To avoid this, discuss your insecurities before you decide to get into a long-distance relationship and keep working on them together.
Comparing relationships becomes a norm
Comparing any two relationships is like comparing apples with oranges. No two relationships are the same, yet we find ourselves engaging in comparisons. This tendency increases especially when we are in a long-distance relationship. It reduces the quality of the relationship because we then lose touch with what we have by focusing on what other people have.
If you’ve been in a long-distance relationship, you would have found yourself wondering: “How are others managing it so well?” “How is everyone so happy and content?” It’s very common and natural to find yourself thinking about how everyone else seems to have gotten it but you and fall into the comparison trap. The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence.
Water the grass where you are. LDR or not, the grass will fade if not taken proper care of. It’s just so hard sometimes to get a long-distance relationship going, isn’t it?
Sometimes, it doesn’t feel real
Michael says, “Sometimes, I used to wonder if I actually have a boyfriend or is this some well-planned credit card scam? I had a lot of thoughts about if the wait was worth it or should I just go on with my life.”
It could feel so unreal. You have a partner you love dearly and have unconditional love for them but you just can’t see them because they live miles apart. It is natural for the couple to feel a little distant and detached due to all of this distance.
There needs to be a mutual acceptance that this is how it’s going to be and that your partner isn’t going to be around you physically. Acceptance can help in keeping the lamp of hope burning.
It will get lonely
When we are separated from someone we love, feeling anger, guilt, sadness, or loneliness are natural emotions. Think about it, wouldn’t this be a natural response to being away from your significant other?
One of the most common reasons people hesitate to get into a long-distance relationship, among many others, is the fear of being left all alone. The fear that it will get lonely quickly. One of the harsh facts about long-distance relationships is that no one imagines how isolating the whole experience of loneliness in a relationship can be.
Make your partner feel special and loved, especially when they start to feel lonely. Leave them voice notes, send them care packages, send flowers, make virtual plans with them, or get as creative as you can in letting them know that you’re there for them.
