Our DNA, fingerprints, voice, and teeth patterns among others confirm that we are unique. We also have different backgrounds, temperaments and most importantly God created us male and female. However, in our marriages, families, churches and workplaces we are expected to act as one. We do this through communication – sharing our needs, ideas, interests, likes, dislikes and beliefs such that we understand each other.
We do this through speaking, listening, observing and acting. Communication starts when you enter into a relationship and never ends. Even when you refuse to talk to your lover you are communicating! Effective communication is the heart of all relationships and just as there can be no life without a working heart, you could never have a fulfilling relationship without effective communication.
In fact, effective communication is the single most important indicator of the health of all relations. You can’t walk together unless you agree. (Amos 3:3). Communication can be done verbally or non-verbally.
Power of words
God created us by words. Jesus represented Himself on earth to save us by word. He declared his mission, preached his kingdom and taught his disciples by word. He created positive atmospheres, stopped storms and healed by words. Words therefore have the power of life and death.
Positive words like ‘thank you’, ‘sorry’, and ‘please’ create a positive atmosphere to protect life, prevent trouble, calm anger, provide encouragement, give happiness and heal. When you speak positive words you bless the one you speak to and the blessings come back to you in multiplied forms. On the other hand, using positive language can help create a healthy and optimistic environment. Negative words can be challenging to process mentally. According to the Bible, negative language is like a sharp razor, snake venom, a sword that penetrates the heart, and a tool that destroys relationships.
Your words and you
Your words reveal who you are and your innermost thoughts and what you wish for yourself because out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. If you speak dirty words you are dirty. Negative words stir up anger to imprison you. If you confess that you are not lucky in marriage, it is like ordering a meal at a restaurant. It comes as you order it. On the other hand, if you stand on God’s promises and claim good health and prosperity, God will find a way to honour his promise in your life. You are therefore your words. Who and what you are today is a measure of the words you used in the past.
Your words and your relationship
Words of kindness and acceptance generate warmth and appreciation from our lovers who react more kindly and acceptably to us. Negative words stir up trouble and may even destroy a marriage. Many marriages have been destroyed by negative words. For example, some 10 years ago, a woman in a heated argument with her husband in the bedroom called him ‘kwasea’.
The man, a popular Ashanti royal, knew ‘kwasea’ meant more than a fool but actually meant one who is worthless, irresponsible, good for nothing and deserves no respect. The man’s response was instant divorce and all attempts by many dignitaries have failed. It is also known that the genocide in an African country started with a radio presenter calling one tribe ‘cockroaches’.
Many of our sins are through the words we speak – lying, profanity, scandal, gossiping, quarrelling and bragging. Your words therefore create your eternity. Jesus warns that you will account for your words and warns further that anyone who calls another ‘fool’ will be in danger of hellfire.
Your words create your relationship
Controlling the words we use can help achieve happiness, according to Solomon. It’s important to speak positively and use words that bring hope, encouragement, motivation, love, acceptance, appreciation, comfort, and hope when communicating with our spouse. Incorporating truth, purity, and love into our conversations is also crucial. Our words can determine whether we become a victor or victim in our personal life, marriage, and even in the afterlife. Therefore, we should strive to use our words wisely and positively to create a better life for ourselves and those around us. Ultimately, we want our words and thoughts to be pleasing to ourselves, our loved ones, our community, and to God.