When it comes to love, many people have a misconception of its true definition. Consider the lyrics of love songs – they often express the desire to fall hard or the pain of love. Some even convey the idea that life revolves around a lover. Movies and TV shows often depict a “happily ever after” fairy tale ending. However, that’s not what love is about.
Here’s what love is and is not:
1. Love is not lust-filled or extreme
Chemistry is important, but it shouldn’t make you feel like you’re losing yourself when you’re together. Nor should you feel like something is missing or that you can’t live without them when you’re apart. That’s called co-dependency. When you are with your soulmate, love is uplifting and inspiring. It causes us to grow beyond our perceived limited possibilities. Being in a soulmate relationship should be the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.
2. Love is not suffering or pain.
It is easy and joyous. Your soulmate should contribute to your life, not constrict it. And if you are feeling triggered by your partner, that’s what I call “The Mirroring Effect”. They are reflecting to you things that you probably don’t like about yourself.
3. Love is not self-sacrificing.
In fact, it’s the exact opposite!
My favorite analogy for this is when airlines ask you to put on your oxygen mask before helping others. If you’re not loving yourself first, then you’re not going to be able to fully love another. Also, don’t lose yourself to please your partner. Stop sacrificing who you are to keep your partner happy. Be 100% yourself and trust and know that this is exactly who your soulmate wants!
4. Love is not judgmental or superior.
Love doesn’t judge. It doesn’t feel or act superior to anyone else. Love radically accepts. Love respects. Love supports.
5. Love does not fix your life or get your needs met.
If you need someone to make your life better, that isn’t love. That’s neediness. And, that means that something is missing from your life you can’t give yourself. Loving yourself means knowing that all of your needs are already met and that you are whole and complete exactly as you are right here and now.
Love helps you deepen in new levels of self-awareness.
Love is from the inside out. It is already within us and gets activated when we feel love for another. External love can shift and fade. Internal love is constant and permanent.
You don’t “fall in love” — you expand in love.
6. Love doesn’t expect you to make your soulmate happy.
It is not your responsibility to make anyone happy but yourself. Love is not pressuring your soulmate to make you feel a certain way or to do things for you. Love is a partnership. It is fair and equal. Love adds to your life, it doesn’t complete it (sorry, Jerry Maguire).
7. Love doesn’t die.
Love never dies, or fades, unless we choose it. If love is activated in us, it can never disappear. We may sabotage it, block it, or forget about it. But it never goes away. Love is a verb. Flow it and receive it. Love is an adventure. It is a moment-by-moment getting to know each other as we are constantly changing.
It is awareness. It is deeply spiritual. It is vulnerability.
Love is constant appreciation.
Love is joy.
Love is bliss.
