Sometimes, you can’t help it and you end up falling for the wrong person. You see your mistake from the very start but you don’t want to give yourself a reality check. You keep thinking that things will improve with time and your partner will end up loving you the same way you love him. But weeks pass and you see no progress.
Your relationship gets stuck in the same place, even though you do your best to help it move forward. All of your efforts are useless once you fall for someone who’s obviously wrong for you. While you’re assembling the puzzle that’s your relationship, your partner is tearing it apart. The work you put in ends up being useless and you finally realize that there’s no point in trying.
No matter how much effort you put in, if someone’s wrong for you, you can’t make a difference all by yourself. You won’t ever be able to make a magical move that’ll change the reality of the situation.
You’ll always be a girl who wasted her time trying to fix something that couldn’t be fixed. But at least there’s one positive thing that happens when you fall in love with someone who’s wrong for you… Believe it or not, you learn some life lessons that will get stuck in your mind forever. Even after years pass, you’ll remember this chapter of your life because it taught you some things you’ll never forget.
Here’s what I mean.
YOU CAN’T MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU
I’ve written this one in capitals because it’s easy to believe otherwise. Sometimes, we fool ourselves by thinking that loving our partners harder will make them love us as well. You think that his/her feelings for you will change once he/she sees how much you care about him/her. So, you stay in a relationship with a person who’s obviously wrong for you because you’re convinced that a day will come when he’ll finally let you know that he feels the same way about you.
You live for that day when he’ll realize how good of a person you are, how much you’re worth, and how he doesn’t want to lose you. But what you need to keep in mind is that you can’t make your partner love you if he doesn’t feel that way about you from the very beginning. You can’t bewitch him to make him realize your worth if he doesn’t see it from the start. And you shouldn’t even try showing him that because it’s obvious that he’s wrong for you and no amount of effort can change that.
Bad timing is only an excuse
The truth is that we all can find time for the things that mean the most to us. The same applies to relationships. If you meet a person who ticks all of your boxes and it feels like he could be the one, you’ll make time for him. You’ll reply to his texts, go out on dates, and be there for him when he needs you. But if you don’t feel that instant attraction and you know that your relationship could never work, you’ll make excuses.
When your partner breaks up with you and says it’s because the timing is wrong and he needs to focus on his career at that time, the truth is that the time you met doesn’t have anything to do with the end of your relationship. Instead, you weren’t right for him and he knew that. He simply needed something to blame it on. So, once you meet someone right for you, you’ll finally be able to see that timing doesn’t play a role when two people love each other and want to be there for one another.
If he doesn’t make an effort, he probably doesn’t care about you
The fact is that his effort reflects his love. He can keep showering you with sweet words but if he doesn’t support them with his actions, there’s nothing to hold on to. You can easily overlook this and find excuses for his lack of effort. Maybe he’s too busy or he has some other things on his mind. He’s preoccupied with work or he’s going through a rough stage in his life so you always call him first. You text him many days in a row without hearing back from him.
You make sure that he knows that you’re there for him, while on the other hand, he gives you less and less attention. But then you realize that his excuses are lame and that he could reach out to you if he actually wanted to. He can spare five minutes of his day to call you and see how you’re doing. He could do that if he wanted.
But since he doesn’t care about you, he doesn’t even think about putting any effort into your relationship. And that’s how you know that he’s the wrong person for you and there’s nothing you can do to change that.
He was meant to come into your life but he wasn’t meant to stay
Most of us get this feeling that someone will stay in our life forever just because God gave him a chance to cross our path. And because of that, we make tons of excuses for him, even when we see that things aren’t going well. But once you fall in love with the wrong person, you actually realize that maybe he was never meant to stay forever. Yes, he was meant to come into your life but the only reason for that was so he could teach you a valuable lesson.
Once his time runs out, God takes him away from you because that’s the only right thing to do. And, yes, you probably end up sobbing for days or even weeks after his departure but at that time, you don’t realize that it’s the best thing that could happen. You don’t realize that him leaving you is a blessing in disguise, something that will teach you a lot about yourself and about love and relationships in general.
So, don’t ever put yourself down because you ended up falling for the wrong person. Don’t look at your relationship as a waste of time. Sometimes, the things we don’t understand teach us the most valuable lessons. Sometimes, the moments we would rather forget to teach us the most about who we are and how much we’re worth. That time in your life when you fall for the wrong person actually teaches you more than you could imagine.
No one is that busy all the time.
If someone actually wants you, they will make time for you. If not, they will make excuses. That’s something you should always keep in mind. Think about it: No one is that busy to not even spare five minutes to give you a heads up about their situation. Even though people can be quite busy and probably are, they still have time to do things for the people they care about. If they can’t make it to a date, they have the decency to inform the person they’re dating and reschedule.
Otherwise, they’re just lying through their teeth if they keep telling you they’re busy. They probably get a kick out of stringing you along. My advice? Don’t get pulled in their direction. Stand your ground.
You attract what you’re putting out there.
Here’s the thing: You attract what you’re putting out there. So if you’re constantly meeting the wrong people, it might be time to look at what you’re putting out into the universe. It might also be time for some inner work. You can’t just keep doing the same thing and expecting the results to be different. I believe Einstein called that insanity.
Instead, you have to change, starting from the small things. After all, people react to you differently when you carry yourself differently. But changing doesn’t mean you stop making mistakes, especially in your dating life.
You will still make mistakes.
This time around, though, these mistakes will help you to learn what works best for you. If you find someone there, that’s beautiful. If not, you keep trying. The person who’s perfect on paper might not be perfect for you. Sometimes, you think you want a certain type of person only to realize that their type is actually not all that compatible with you and they will not be able to give you the connection you desire.
That’s fine!
Face it — the connection just isn’t there. Life works in mysterious ways. But that doesn’t make you an awful person to be with. On the contrary, dating the wrong people will teach you exactly what you’re looking for.
You no longer date someone because they “look good on paper.” You date them because they truly respect you and you two can connect on a deeper level. You deserve that much. So stop beating yourself up over a lack of chemistry. That will just make it more difficult for you to move on to other possibilities.
Trust me, there’s a whole world out there waiting for you. Have the courage to seize it.
