Income can have a profound impact on mental well-being, particularly when people compare themselves to those around them — and for many men, this dynamic can negatively affect mental health. “It stings your pride a little bit that your wife’s the one out making all the money,” admitted Dave, a stay‑at‑home father. Tom, another participant in a research study, added: “I’m, you know, a guy’s guy… you tell them you stay home, and… they think you’re some feminine dude.”
Brendon’s experience was even harsher, as family members labelled him “the house bitch.” These examples highlight the stigma faced by men whose partners are the primary earners. The study revealed that such judgment stems from long‑standing societal assumptions that men should be the main breadwinners.
Yet, with more women now out‑earning their male partners, this shift is reshaping household power dynamics and influencing broader social structures. The findings underscore how deeply money and earning roles affect identity, pride, and perceptions of masculinity.
One of the reasons shifting family dynamics carry such weight is that money remains closely tied to power. When men are not the highest earners in their households — despite societal expectations that they should be — many feel disempowered, which can erode mental wellbeing and even raise the risk of divorce. Research shows that unemployed men experience higher rates of depression compared to unemployed women.
Globally, men still tend to outearn women, while married women with children continue to shoulder more childcare and housework than men — a persistent imbalance rooted partly in gender expectations and, in some cases, economic necessity. Often, the higher earner’s career is prioritised, leading women to step back into part‑time or flexible roles.
Despite the rise of female breadwinners, attitudes toward paid work and household roles have been slower to change. Even when women earn more, they still take on a greater share of domestic responsibilities. Meanwhile, studies show that men report lower satisfaction when they are out‑earned, underscoring how deeply income and gender norms shape both household dynamics and personal identity.
An increasing body of research shows that it can affect a man’s self-esteem and happiness if their female partner earns more than he does. But how serious is the problem really? And what can be done to help men adjust to their new reality?
It’s a little taboo for men to even talk about the impact of their female partner becoming the breadwinner. They might feel supportive of their partner’s career, whilst at the same time feeling that they aren’t fulfilling their role as “breadwinners” because many outdated assumptions of masculinity remain prevalent.
This is especially true when men inadvertently become stay-at-home fathers due to job loss or relocation, rather than choice. Harry Bunton, an ex-consultant and now rising social media influencer based in Sydney, Australia, recently lost his job. He posted on social media afterwards to thousands that his “values as a man, husband and father” were impacted.
“It makes sense to me why there’s such a high rate of depression, and worse, in that population. When things don’t go to plan it can be really devastating and can really challenge your ideas of what it means to be a man,” Bunton wrote. “My hope is that sharing this story is that people can identify with it and their value isn’t predicated on events like this… I feel almost empowered to be the dad that I want to be.”
While Bunton took a positive approach to the change in his lifestyle, he exemplifies that how much a man’s earnings relative to his partner can affect their mental well-being. For instance, one recent study of heterosexual couples in Sweden looked at 10 years of earnings data as well as mental health diagnoses to look for patterns. The researchers found that at the point when wives began to outearn their male partners, there was an uptick in mental health diagnoses among men. While there was an increase of up to 8% in mental health diagnoses for all participants whose partners earned more, including women, there was a more pronounced rise of up to 11% for men overall.
While writing my upcoming book, Breadwinners, I spoke with Demid Getik, an assistant professor in the Economics Department at Durham University who led the study, to find out more. He told me that while we may no longer hear it explicitly stated that the man should earn more, these expectations are still highly prevalent. The increase in mental health diagnoses in men whose partner has begun earning more, says Getik, could also be an indication that these couples are showing decreased relationship satisfaction, though his data did not specifically assess this.
Other studies have found that husbands of higher‑earning women are more likely to engage in infidelity, which researchers suggest may be an attempt to reassert a masculine identity they feel threatened by. Evidence also shows that the pressure on men to be providers affects their wellbeing: unemployed men report higher rates of depression than unemployed women. One explanation is that women often maintain stronger social networks outside of work, while stay‑at‑home fathers tend to be more isolated than mothers in similar roles.
Understanding why wellbeing is so closely tied to income also requires challenging stereotypes. Female breadwinners are often portrayed as ambitious and career‑driven, yet in many cases their status arises because their male partners have lost jobs — creating economic strain. Research further indicates that households where only the woman works typically earn less than those with male breadwinners, reflecting the gender pay gap.
This led Helen Kowalewska, assistant professor in the Department of Social Policy and Science at Bath University, and her team to argue that “most countries are not working hard enough to compensate for the female breadwinner earnings penalty.” She contends that welfare systems should do more to support households where women are the sole earners, since these families often face lower overall incomes.
Not all bad
However, when men step back from paid work it can also have positive impacts on the family. In the UK, fathers are spending more time with children than in the past in general, and research shows that stay-at-home dads tend to spend more quality time with their children. As can be expected, stay-at-home dads do more childcare than breadwinner mums or dads. But they typically don’t increase their share of the house work – it’s only roughly equal in this scenario. In all other set-ups, women do more, according to a 2023 Pew report of US data.
Despite many countries having minimal paternity leave available, when fathers do take paternity leave, marital satisfaction can increase, as can father involvement in childcare – even when fathers return to work. Dads who take parental leave show greater bonds with their children, who will, in turn be more likely to grow up witnessing a more equitable division of labour. It follows that how parents divide housework will go on to shape what their children expect later in life, too. A more equitable division of labour at home also helps women pursue careers more easily and therefore increase their earning potential.
But the benefits to women of these societal shifts go further. In a study looking at Mexican households, a team found that the more work opportunities that women have outside the home, the more power they have in other domains, too. In other words, they gain more bargaining power over larger financial decisions. This tallies with other research. If a woman is empowered financially where historically she has been disempowered, naturally it can have a positive impact on her earning power, her autonomy and her career.
When norms are changed and it becomes routine for men to step back from work for family commitments, it can increase the well-being of the whole family. Swedish data for instance, shows that when paternity leave was first introduced and fathers were given a so-called “daddy month” in 1995, the initial cohort of men who took this leave experienced reduced marital stability, and the likelihood of separation increased. When the policy increased the amount of leave available to two months in 2002, this was no longer the case. Today, Swedish parents have three months available each in a use-it-or-lose-it policy, and the rates of uptake for dads, as you would expect, are high. In fact, it’s taboo for dads to skip this allotted parental leave.
While there is a greater awareness of the importance of empowering women today, attitudes remain polarised. A recent Ipsos survey by King’s College London found that the youngest generation polled – Gen Z, who were aged between 18 and 28 at the time – were the most divided. A global poll of almost 24,000 individuals found that young men were more likely to agree with the statement that a father who stays home to look after his children is “less of a man“.
While 28% of Gen Z men agreed to this, only 19% of Gen Z women did. In all other age groups, the figure was lower. When asked to respond to the statement: “Men are being expected to do too much to support equality” 60% of Gen Z men agreed, compared to 38% of Gen Z women. Among baby boomers, this figure dropped to 44% and 31%, respectively.
Heejung Chung, professor of work and employment at King’s College London and one of the report’s authors, told me that one reason these attitudes are creeping in is that young women are now more likely to be university educated than young men. Perhaps as a consequence, she says, women in their early twenties earn slightly more than men. For the first time, there are now more female doctors than male doctors in the UK.
“We do see a lot of signs of gender parity in certain areas,” Chung explains, and these younger individuals aren’t perhaps experiencing the wider inequality that many women still face today – leading to a view that some boys “are falling behind.”
Another reason for this division in attitudes towards equality could be that ideas around what masculinity represents are changing, but not everywhere. Rosie Campbell, a professor of politics also at King’s College London, has authored research which found a growing divide in attitudes about masculinity, particularly among the younger generation. For example, men and women disagree on things like whether it’s harder to be a man than a woman today. She explains that “feminism is supposed to be about gender equality for men and women. Of course, it’s got the term feminine in the title and that can sound quite exclusionary”.
Campbell therefore advocates for more open conversations with young people, especially at school, about what the terms feminism and masculinity mean. “We need to think more about how we communicate to young men about what it is to be a man today, and what kind of role models they have,” she says. This is especially important when considering the increasing misogynistic influences online, as portrayed recently on the Netflix drama Adolescence.
Despite these findings, Chung and her colleagues’ latest survey shows that most agree that achieving gender equality matters. There is also a small but growing body of research that shows men are changing their understanding of masculinity and fatherhood, to one that involves caring, empathy and other softer skills that are typically deemed feminine – as opposed to assuming manhood means earning more to look after your family. This has since been dubbed “caring masculinities“.
“It’s not just about men doing that fun stuff that’s really rewarded. It’s about them getting into those kinds of messy, gritty parts of care-work”, says Karla Elliott, a gender scholar from Monash University in Melbourne, Australia. Her work shows that taking on more of these practical caring tasks leads to a more nurturing disposition. Elliott explains that for this new conception of masculinity to spread, as well as taking on more care, men also need to disavow domination and inequality.
Researchers argue that expanding paternity leave — and specifically reserving portions of it for men — can encourage fathers to take a more active role in caregiving. This shift could ease the pressure on men to be sole providers while enabling women to pursue greater earning opportunities.
Policy changes take time to filter through, but one immediate step is to promote positive messages about evolving social roles. “There’s a big opportunity here: if men feel their self‑esteem is affected by their partner’s earnings, that’s a chance to reflect on why — and to challenge ingrained ideals about gender roles,” notes Elliott.
As the number of female breadwinners continues to rise, this economic shift may gradually become normalised. For couples with children, men will need to adapt by embracing flexible work and caregiving responsibilities, thereby empowering their higher‑earning partners to advance their careers.
Though change will be gradual, these evolving attitudes could help dismantle the traditional male‑breadwinner, female‑homemaker model, fostering healthier power balances and greater relationship satisfaction.
