Early ejaculation or the quick release of sperm during partnered sex is something that several men can’t bear. It is one of the most common sexual concerns that men tend to deal with at some point in their sexual lives. You can always find ways to last as long as you want during sex. Lasting long is even subjective. So, smile, learn something, and enjoy reading!
How long should sex last before ejaculation?
In a study that surveyed 500 heterosexual couples, it was found that, on average, men lasted 5.4 minutes before ejaculating from the time the penis was inserted in the vagina to the time of semen or sperm release. In the study, the men were 18 years or older, had a stable sexual relationship and their sexual events for 4 weeks were recorded. Stop-watches were used to get the duration before the release of semen.
On average, here’s how the duration (Intravaginal ejaculation latency time – IELT) varied with age:
- 18 – 20 years = 6.5 minutes
- 32 – 50 years = 5.4 minutes
- Above 50 years = 4.3 minutes
Truth is, so many people have unrealistic expectations of how long sex should last because of ignorance and misinformation. We need to learn to work with human capabilities, what is usual, and what is not usual when defining early ejaculation.
Here’s a standard to work with:
- Less than 3 minutes = TOO SHORT
- 3 minutes – 13 minutes = NORMAL
- 7 – 13 minutes = DESIRABLE
- 10 – 30 minutes = LONG (sometimes considered ‘too long’ but it can be fun when you are having a good time)
- Above 30 minutes = TOO LONG
‘PREMATURE EJACULATION‘
‘Premature ejaculation’ is usually the first thing that pops in the mind of males when they sense the absence or loss of control over ejaculation. It could happen when the least thing that feels good to them can lead to a quick release of sperm. Some men would tell you they ejaculate in no time after penetrating the vagina, and others ejaculate during foreplay, erotic dancing, or kissing even. It could be seconds, less than a minute, or less than 3 minutes.
Although it can be so embarrassing because of the shame attached to ejaculating earlier than expected, you need to know that unless something has happened consistently for 6 months if you have an active sex life, you have no cause to worry. Several factors can make you ejaculate earlier than usual on some days.
Does early ejaculation = bad sex?
Sex with such men can be considered unenjoyable when they are unable to please their partners well enough before ejaculation. If you do not employ means to prolong ejaculating and stop making sex all about the penis going inside the vagina, early ejaculation will definitely relate to bad sex.
Early or ‘premature ejaculation’ causes so much distress. It can create problems in relationships, lead to sexual frustration/sexual dissatisfaction, and make men lose interest in sex altogether.
THE TYPES OF PREMATURE EJACULATION
There are two main types: Lifelong Premature Ejaculation and Acquired Premature Ejaculation.
LIFELONG PREMATURE EJACULATION
The lifelong condition is caused by genetic factors, so such men are born with it. Right when they start having sex, they ejaculate in less than 1 minute and they never get to experience how it feels to last long until they seek treatment.
ACQUIRED PREMATURE EJACULATION
Acquired premature ejaculation starts with a reduction in how long a man takes to cum during sex to 3 minutes or less. Right after, it becomes a thing for the man to always or consistently ejaculate in less than 3 minutes each time he penetrates a vagina. Such men used to take longer to cum, so lasting under 3 minutes becomes unusual.
Acquired premature ejaculation has several underlying causes that need to be identified and treated before the man can notice a delay in ejaculation.
Premature Ejaculation Causes & Risk Factors
Psychological Causes
- Performance anxiety
- Psychosexual or relationship issues
- Sexual conditioning
- Traumatic sexual experiences
- Stress
Other Causes/Risk Factors:
- Erectile dysfunction
- Penile hypersensitivity
- Lower urinary tract infection
- Inflammation of prostate or prostate infection
- Diabetes
- Opioid (narcotics) withdrawal
- Poor overall health
- Hormonal imbalance
- Early/limited experience (virgin)
- Sex drought
Premature Ejaculation Treatment Options
The most common treatment options that have been proven to be the most effective in delaying ejaculation include (in ascending order): Viagra, Anti-Depressants, and the Pause-and-Squeeze technique.
BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY
This treatment method includes psychotherapy and behavioral/physical exercises for premature ejaculation. Doing either of the two alone might not be as successful or effective in treating premature ejaculation as combining both. So, if you really want to last longer, make use of both.
PSYCHOTHERAPY
You need to see a psychotherapist for this! The psychotherapist makes use of cognitive therapy to improve communication between the man and his partner(s), increase his self-confidence, reduce anxiety associated with sex, and increase his sexual skills. Psychotherapy alone provides a short-term improvement in the duration of sex before ejaculation but it requires a few things for it to work effectively: the man needs to be very motivated, hopeful, be in a monogamous relationship, and have a very cooperative partner.
PHYSICAL EXERCISES FOR PREMATURE EJACULATION
STOP-START TECHNIQUE or EDGING
During sex, all you need to do is stop when it gets very intense and you feel you might cum soon. Once you get a hint to stop, you can pull out and relax for a while. You need to wait for the sensation to die down before penetrating again and you keep going until you need to stop again. Repeat the process several times till you’ve made your partner cum or you feel you’ve lasted long enough before letting yourself go for an orgasm.
In doing this, you can focus on something else when you stop or you can squeeze your butt for a while until the sensation diminishes before penetrating again. If you are thinking of giving it a try, do it during masturbation and master the ability to stop when the pleasure intensifies before trying it during sex. Over time, it can give you control over ejaculation
PAUSE-AND-SQUEEZE TECHNIQUE
This technique is similar to the stop-start technique because it requires you to stop when sex starts to feel too good. Once you stop, you need to squeeze the top or base of the penis (check the image) until you can no longer feel the sensations before continuing with penetration. You don’t always have to do it yourself if you have a cooperative and understanding partner. She can squeeze it for you and make it much bearable. Once again, if you are thinking of giving this a try during sex, you should try it during masturbation and master it for it to be easier to do during sex.
TIPS TO MAKE THE PHYSICAL EXERCISES EASIER TO DO:
Use a timer! Masturbate and use a stopwatch to determine how long it takes you to cum. Do it several times (three or more) and check the average. Do the same during sex for a few sessions (three), and check the average. If you arrive at 2 minutes, all you need to do is to set your timer to 1 minute, 40 seconds. During sex, right when you penetrate the vagina, you need to start the timer and have fun until you hear the alarm. Right then, you need to stop or pull out and squeeze till the sensation diminishes before you start all over again.
Over time, it helps you get enough control to stop on your own and you will no longer need the timer.
TREATMENT WITH DRUGS
ANTIDEPRESSANTS: Two types of antidepressants are effective in delaying ejaculation in men: Short-acting SSRIS (dapoxetine) and long-acting SSRIs. This is because delayed ejaculation is a side-effect of taking them, so it makes sense to use them to treat premature ejaculation.
DAPOXETINE TREATMENT: Dapoxetine is the main drug used to treat premature ejaculation because it is fast-acting. It can increase the time it takes you to ejaculate by 3 – 4.3 times/folds. So, if initially, it took you 2 minutes, it can make you last 6 – 8 minutes before cumming. Luckily, you can purchase it without a prescription in Ghana and it’s available under so many brand names (Priligy, Longridge, etc.). You just need to go to the pharmacy and ask for Dapoxetine. If one pharmacy doesn’t have it, you can check another.
The only issue with this treatment is that it isn’t long-term, so it requires you to take the drug every single time you are about to have sex. Also, the side effects can very uncomfortable and it can make you not want to take the drug again if you aren’t fortunate enough.
The side-effects:
- Nausea
- Diarrhea
- Headache
- Dizziness
LONG-ACTING ANTIDEPRESSANTS
These drugs include:
- Paroxetine (Common brand: Paxil)
- Clomipramine (Anafranil)
- Sertraline (Zoloft)
- Fluoxetine (Prozac)
To effectively treat premature ejaculation, the right dose of the drugs is taken daily for 10 – 15 days or maybe earlier, before the man can start to see results. Paroxetine is the most effective at delaying ejaculation because it has been proven to delay it by up to 8.8 times the initial ejaculation length. So, let’s say you used to last 1 minute during sex, after taking it for like 10 days, you start to last up to 8 minutes, 48 seconds. Isn’t that great?
Taking the long-acting drugs daily for a long time have been proven to work great in treating the dysfunction, so it’s a great treatment option for anyone with premature ejaculation (excluding men with a history of bipolar depression because it worsens their illness).
The Side-Effects:
- Fatigue
- Yawning
- Nausea
- Perspiration
- Loose stools
The above side effects are usually minor. You might notice them a week after you start treatment but after 2 or 3 weeks, they should disappear because your body gets used to the drug intake.
In rare cases, these side effects are noticed:
- Loss of libido
- Erectile dysfunction
TRAMADOL
Taking 50 mg of tramadol 1 to 2 hours before sex has been proven to delay ejaculation up to 12.7 times longer than the initial length. So, if you used to last a minute, it can make you last about 12 minutes before cumming during sex. For this reason, it can be abused, and sadly, it’s an illegal drug that can only be purchased legally with a prescription in so many countries, so unless a doctor prescribes it to you, you might never come by it.
The Side-Effects:
- Addiction
- Somnolence
- Pruritus
- Nausea
- Serotonin syndrome if it’s used with SSRI
NOTE:
The above drug treatments are not effective in treating premature ejaculation when the man has erectile dysfunction. In this case, the erectile function needs to be improved with drugs like Viagra and Vardenafil [Phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors (PDE5i)] before premature ejaculation can be treated.
VIAGRA & VARDENAFIL
Sildenafil is what’s sold under the brand name Viagra, but there are other brand names too! Vardenfil is also sold under the brand names Levitra, Staxyn, and Vivanza.
These drugs are used in treating premature ejaculation when the man has erectile dysfunction (he is unable to get or maintain an erection). In some cases, he might get an erection but it’s never firm enough (a soft erection) and it can come along with premature ejaculation where he ejaculates quickly and is unable to get hard after.
Viagra (Sildenafil) delays ejaculation by 2.7 – 3.9 fold. So let’s say initially you used to ejaculate in 2 minutes, after treatment, you might last 6 – 8 minutes long during sex.
Vardenafil delays ejaculation by 6.5 fold. So let’s say initially you used to last 2 minutes, after treatment, you might last up to 13 minutes before ejaculating during sex.
How Viagra (Sildenafil) and Vardenafil Improves Sex Life:
- You get to stay hard after ejaculating
- It reduces your refractory period (how long it takes you to get hard after cumming)
- It improves performance anxiety
- It gives you better and harder erections
The Side-Effects:
- Headache
- Nasal congestion
- Nasopharyngitis
- Dyspepsia
- Back pain and myalgia
- Prolonged erections that last longer than 4 hours
- Priapism (painful erections that last longer than 6 hours) which can damage penile tissues when it’s not treated
- Sudden loss of vision (can happen when a man has risk factors like- hypertension, diabetes, and hyperlipidemia)
- Sudden loss of hearing or decrease in hearing
These products contain numbing agents like lidocaine & prilocaine and they are applied on the penis to make the glans less sensitive for a delay in ejaculation. They make you last longer and they aren’t supposed to alter the sensation of ejaculation (it still feels good).
They need to be applied like 10-15 minutes before penetration, so you can apply it before long foreplay and make sure you go past 10 minutes before inserting the penis in the vagina. You also need to make sure that you don’t go past 20 minutes, else it won’t work.
SIDE-EFFECTS
They can make the penis abnormally less sensitive and make it extremely harder for the man to be aroused or get pleasure from sex. It can also be absorbed into the vagina and make it less sensitive over time when it’s used too often by the man.
DELAY/PERFORMA CONDOMS
These condoms contain lubricants made of numbing products or anaesthetics, so they tend to work like delay creams or sprays. You just need to put on the condom, and the glans of the penis become less sensitive because it absorbs the numbing agent. On the plus side, the woman is protected from the side effects of the anaesthetic and it doesn’t interfere with her ability to get pleasure from sex.
WHAT SOME MEN DO TO DELAY EJACULATION
These might or might not work for you:
Masturbation right before sexual intercourse
The use of multiple condoms (2 or more) to reduce penile sensitivity (risky because the condoms can easily break and put you at risk of catching infections, and the woman can get pregnant)
Distraction techniques like mental exercises during sex and foreplay, to keep you from ejaculating. In this case, when the pleasure gets so intense, you need to picture something gross, or something that can completely kill the vibe to prevent you from ejaculating early.
Kegel exercises: strengthen pelvic muscles to improve ejaculatory control
WHAT TO DO IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE CONDITION
If you suspect that you have premature ejaculation, you need to visit a urologist or speak to a sexual health expert for the underlying cause to be accurately determined. A urologist will run some tests and give you the most appropriate treatment option to go for. So, don’t be too quick to use ‘delay’ products sold on the market, else you might wind up disappointed because the underlying cause of your condition tends to be left untreated. An example is a prostate infection that needs to be treated before ejaculation can be delayed effectively.
DON’T LET ANYTHING STOP YOU FROM SEEKING MEDICAL HELP/TREATMENT!
Per my definition, if you have premature ejaculation and you’ve tried out so many products but none worked, go and see a urologist and get the right treatment. You can only get help when you seek it in the appropriate places.
Sadly, so many men don’t seek help for premature ejaculation because of the stigma attached. They tend to feel embarrassed or shy about the condition; hence, they are unable to talk about it. Don’t be one of them!
Don’t believe it when they tell you that premature ejaculation is incurable. You can last longer and have great sexual experiences. You just need to get help!
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