Navigating first dates can be challenging, as subtle red flags are often overlooked in the pursuit of connection. Be cautious of individuals who dominate conversations, treat service staff poorly, or excessively focus on their exes. Uncomfortable jokes, rushed connections, and odd compliments can also be warning signs. Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it’s essential to acknowledge it.
A first date resembles a small stage performance where both people strive to put their best foot forward. They dress well, choose their words carefully, and turn up the charm. Amidst the jokes, shared meals, and personal stories, you might wonder: Could this lead to something real? However, amidst all the newness, it’s easy to miss subtle red flags—small things that may seem harmless but hint at deeper issues. Especially when the chemistry feels strong, our hearts may convince us to ignore the signs our gut is trying to highlight.
Here are some red flags you shouldn’t ignore, even if you feel tempted to look the other way.
They only talk about themselves
It’s perfectly normal to talk about yourself on a first date. However, if your date dominates the conversation, fails to ask you any questions, or continually interrupts you when you try to speak, it’s a red flag. Relationships should be a two-way street. If they can’t make room for your voice now, will they ever?
They’re rude to the staff
Pay close attention to how they treat waiters, receptionists, and anyone else during the date. Do they say “thank you”? Are they polite or short-tempered? Someone who is kind to you but dismissive or rude to others may not be revealing their true character. Kindness should be a consistent behaviour, not just a performance.
They keep bringing up their ex
It’s completely normal for someone to mention an ex briefly—everyone has a past. However, if your date spends most of the time complaining about, comparing you to, or excessively praising their ex, it could indicate that they are not emotionally available. If their focus is still on the past, they may not be looking for something genuine in the present. Additionally, if your date’s jokes make you uncomfortable, that’s a concern. Humour is personal, and if their jokes are sexist, racist, cruel, or simply make you feel uneasy, and they dismiss it with comments like, “I’m just kidding,” that’s a red flag. Jokes often reflect a person’s beliefs, so if their sense of humour doesn’t sit right with you, it’s perfectly valid to question it.
They rush the connection
While it may seem flattering at first when someone calls you their “soulmate” or talks about living together after just one date, this behavior can indicate love-bombing. Love-bombing is characterised by excessive attention early on, which can eventually lead to control or manipulation. A genuine connection takes time to develop.
Their compliments are… strange
Some compliments can have a strange undertone. Phrases like, “You’re not like other girls,” or “You’re smart for someone who didn’t go to college” often serve as disguised put-downs or subtle ways to establish control. Genuine compliments should make you feel seen and appreciated, rather than compared to others or undermined.
Something just feels off
This could be the most important point. Even if everything appears to be technically sound, if your gut feeling is telling you that something isn’t right, pay attention to it. Our bodies often sense things that our minds haven’t yet realized. Trust your instincts—if you feel uneasy, even when everything looks fine on paper, it’s important to acknowledge that feeling.
Why these red flags matter
It’s easy to overlook red flags on a date because we want everything to go well. We crave connection, affection, and the hope of something lasting—that’s a natural human desire. However, red flags are not just minor quirks; they often signal patterns that could repeat in a relationship. Noticing them doesn’t mean you’re being “too picky” or overthinking; it means you’re staying aware of the type of relationship you want and what you won’t tolerate.
First dates aren’t just tests to pass; they are also opportunities to evaluate the other person. You have the right to walk away if something feels off, even if the food was great and they made you laugh. Ignoring the first red flag you see may lead to encountering many more in the future.
