I was having a conversation with some colleagues when one of them remarked that most married men are not married to their “real” wives. Intrigued, I probed further, and he explained that many married men, in truth, are not genuinely in love with their spouses. He argued that if most married men were completely honest with themselves, they would admit they would not have chosen their wives under different circumstances. Almost immediately, another colleague supported the argument. She suggested that many marriages are products of circumstances — situational marriages — and that, according to her, is where the real issue lies.
That conversation sparked my curiosity. So, jog with me.
The question is: do you agree that most people end up married, in relationships, or even in businesses, schools, workplaces, or other commitments largely because of circumstances rather than deliberate choice? It is not uncommon to see men or women ridiculed because of their partners’ physical appearance. Friends and acquaintances sometimes gossip behind their backs, describing someone’s wife or husband as “ugly” or “unattractive.”
A recent social media exchange illustrates this point. Journalist Lily Mohammed criticised the government over the issuance of a passport to American streamer IShowSpeed while many Ghanaians struggle to obtain passports. Louisa Laryea, the wife of journalist Israel Laryea, joined the discussion, and some people described her comments as offensive. In response, she was subjected to insults, with some trolls attacking her appearance. Her husband publicly defended her, reminding critics that beauty is subjective.
That incident highlights an enduring truth: beauty is subjective and lies in the eye of the beholder. What one person may dismiss as unattractive can be deeply appealing to another. For Israel Laryea, his wife’s beauty extends beyond physical appearance, encompassing qualities unseen by outsiders. In a similar vein, a Ghanaian actor endured public ridicule for marrying a woman some described as “ugly.” Yet, despite the criticism, their union has remained strong, demonstrating that external opinions did not diminish their bond.
Beyond these examples, many individuals enter relationships believing their options are limited, while others fail to recognise or act on opportunities that once existed. As the saying goes, opportunity knocks only once. Before committing to marriage, people weigh a variety of factors. For some, regret surfaces just days before the wedding; for others, it emerges on the wedding day itself or years later. Considerations such as social status, educational background, physical appearance, and intelligence often play a pivotal role in the choice of a partner.
Reasons People Choose Partners
For some, marriage is driven by the allure of social status — wealth, influence, fame, or public recognition. They are drawn to the glamour, believing it will enhance their own standing in society. Yet, in certain cases, the supposed wealth proves exaggerated, propped up by debt, or tied to questionable practices. Disillusionment follows, but many remain in the marriage despite the gap between expectation and reality.
Physique:
Physical attraction often carries considerable weight, particularly in the early stages of a relationship. Qualities such as body shape, height, facial features, and overall appearance frequently influence partner choices. Yet, it is noteworthy that preferences sometimes shift as marriage approaches, indicating that attraction by itself may not be enough to sustain a lasting commitment.
Educational background:
Some individuals prioritise academic achievements, preferring partners with advanced degrees or prestigious educational backgrounds. However, academic qualifications do not always translate into compatibility or emotional intelligence, which can lead to unmet expectations after marriage.
Intelligence (brains):
Others marry because they admire their partner’s intellect. Over time, differences in reasoning, problem-solving, or decision-making may emerge, creating friction where expectations were once idealised.
Unexpected pregnancies:
Sometimes, men/women are pushed into marriage even when the relationship was only meant to be a fling.
Arranged Marriages:
Some marriages are arranged without the couple having any emotional attachment to each other.
Why Marriages Break Down
Marriages also fail for various reasons, including:
Poor communication: Lack of open, honest communication often leads to misunderstandings, resentment, and emotional distance.
Hygiene and domestic responsibilities: Differences in cleanliness, home management, and shared responsibilities can strain relationships.
Financial hardship: Job loss or business failure tests many marriages. Some partners struggle to stand together during difficult times.
Abuse: Physical or emotional abuse remains a serious cause of marital breakdown.
Infidelity: Cheating erodes trust and emotional security in relationships.
Disrespect: Public humiliation, insults, or disregard for a partner’s dignity can permanently damage a marriage.
Distrust: When trust is not established early, secrecy and suspicion often follow, weakening the foundation of the relationship.
Dressing: Partner’s choice of dressing can sometimes be a source of discomfort or dissatisfaction.
Recommendation
Marriage is a complex institution, often shaped more by circumstances than by deliberate, informed choice. The longevity of such unions rests on honesty, commitment, open communication, and the shared willingness to grow beyond the initial reasons that brought two people together. Ultimately, one should marry a partner with whom they feel genuine comfort — someone to pray with, laugh with, and gently correct when challenges arise. True partnership thrives on mutual respect, openness to constructive criticism, and a steadfast commitment to support and protect each other through all situations.
No matter how attractive a partner may be, there will always be those who disapprove of your relationship. What truly matters is the foundation on which the marriage was built and the commitment to nurture it. Couples should resist the temptation to borrow in order to maintain lifestyles beyond their financial capacity, simply to meet societal expectations. Contentment and honesty about one’s resources are vital for lasting stability.
Above all, respect is the bedrock of every strong relationship. Without it, beauty, wealth, or social status cannot sustain a marriage. It is also important to present oneself appropriately, both at home and in public. This reflection raises a crucial question: on what grounds did you choose your spouse, and what factors would guide your choice if selecting a future partner?
