First dates can be nerve-racking. You both are trying to get to know each other and gauge the possibility of another date. When getting to know people, either online or in person, you might find yourself asking them, ‘tell me about yourself.’ Asking someone to tell you about themselves is an open-ended question. It can feel like they are being interviewed. Of course, you want to get to know about them, but how do you get to do this without intrusive questions?
Give them a compliment that might spur questions
Compliments make people more relaxed, lead to other questions and make people open up more. Something like ‘I like your outfit, do you wear a lot of kaftans?’ ‘Your shoes are really beautiful, do you love wearing heels?’ ‘You have really beautiful skin, are you a skincare enthusiast?’ ‘You look so fit. Do you work out?’
Ask them about what makes them happy
Happiness is the goal for many people and one of the best ways to get them to open up is by making them daydream about their happy place. Their dreams, goals, family, jobs and hobbies might make them happy. It’s a great conversation starter.
Talk about random things
When you talk about your random experiences, your date also begins to talk about theirs. Sometimes we are too focused on things like ‘Where do you work?’ ‘What’s your state of origin?’ When we ask what I call a ‘CV question’, the conversation feels contrived and forced. Random experiences and conversations are also a good way to know about someone. Such conversations start with ‘I remember when…’
Listen by putting your phone away and making eye contact
When you are on a date, you want to show them that they have your full attention, you also don’t want to be the only one talking. You should look them in the eye and not scroll through your phone. Being distracted and looking around just shows that you do not like them or want to be there.
Ask about their fondest memories
Let them take you on a trip down memory lane. Ask questions like, what was the university like for you? What do you like about being a doctor, lawyer, or social media influencer? What were you like as a child?
Don’t forget to relax and enjoy yourself.
