Emotional manipulation is a trick used by an individual to gain sympathy, control, attention, care, concern and superiority.” “When a person knows his/ her partner’s strengths (like knowledge, position, understanding) and is aware that other people might get attracted to these qualities, they use emotional manipulation to prove their superiority.
An emotional manipulator plays with your psychology and demands intense loyalty and secrecy from you. He/she isolates you so that you can depend on them completely.
If there is too much chaos and intensity in your relationship and your partner always speaks in absolutes or extremes, it might be that you are being emotionally manipulated. Manipulation tactics in relationships can range from refusing to compromise to crafting situations in such a way that only one side enjoys the benefits.
An emotional manipulator pulls off an act of being a weak and powerless person. But they may necessarily not feel that from the inside. This pretence of ‘helplessness’ is just a tool that helps them dominate and gain control.
But, why would someone fall for a con artist like that who plays with emotions? Because that’s how good they are at manipulation – you don’t even realize you’re being manipulated. How to recognize when it’s happening? And what to do in such cases?
A manipulative relationship is an unbalanced relationship wherein your partner expects a lot of attention from you and things move so fast that you are unable to process what’s going on. How do you recognize if you are in such a relationship or not? Here are some examples that can help you gain a deeper perspective.
Terms and conditions change, depending on who’s at fault
An emotional manipulator is valid when he/she does something but when the exact same situation applies to you, terms and conditions change. This kind of hypocrisy is among the examples of psychological manipulation in relationships.
For example, when they get possessive, it’s considered legitimate and natural. But, when you get jealous, they are like, “Babe, it’s all in your mind. You are just being insecure and paranoid.”
You end up doing what they want, every single time
If your relationship is such that your needs are always pushed aside, you are being emotionally manipulated. If there is a lack of mutual understanding, then maybe, there is a power imbalance in your relationship. Healthy power dynamics in relationships are extremely important.
You want to go out and party, but you always end up being convinced to stay in? Do you end up eating Chinese even though you craved for Indian all this time? If you are always the one who ends up making a compromise, you are being emotionally manipulated.
Crying can be among the examples of manipulation in relationships
If she ends up crying whenever she messes up or during an argument, she is using a classic tactic of female manipulation in relationships. Or if he constantly cries and says things like, “How will I live, if you leave me?”, it’s a sign you are being emotionally blackmailed to overstay.
Also, planting the fear of abandonment in the other person’s mind is among one of the many manipulation tactics in relationships. If you often have thoughts like, “They will leave me if I do this”, it means they are playing with your mind.
You end up apologizing even when it’s their fault
If they never own up to their mistakes and always shy away from taking accountability, then it’s one of the more common manipulation tactics in relationships. If they act perfectly all the time and you constantly feel like you are the one with all the flaws, know that they are playing with your psyche.
Shifting blames is among the more prominent examples of manipulation. You might find yourself going on a ‘guilt trip’ all the time, even over the things that you enjoy, like dancing or spending time with your friends.
For example, “How could you go to that dance performance, when you were supposed to spend time with me?” or, “Am I not enough? Why do you hang out so much with your friends?”
Playing the ‘victim’
Examples of manipulation in relationships include self-pity and self-loathing so that they can get your sympathy and kindness. If they often go on a loop like, “Why am I like this? Why are you even dating a bad person like me? I hate myself. You deserve better”, it’s one of the prime examples of psychological manipulation in relationships.
Manipulation tactics in relationships can include downplaying your distress and making their problems seem bigger and more important. If they make everything about them, when you try to be vulnerable, it’s emotional manipulation. Their problems are problems, while yours, not so much.
In this type of relationship, manipulation examples can be many; one such example is when they say something like, “Hey, I am sorry you weren’t selected for that job. But, that’s not such a big deal. People like me have bigger problems to deal with, like the separation of my parents. Now, that’s a real problem, worth cribbing over.”
Exploiting your weaknesses and being insecure about your strengths
Taking advantage of your emotional vulnerability and using your insecurities against you are examples of manipulation in relationships. If you become vulnerable with someone, you trust them enough to not take advantage of it. If they do so, it’s probably not love.
For example, if you are really sensitive about something traumatic that happened during your childhood, and they pinch that one wrong nerve, it’s among one of the harsher manipulation tactics in relationships.
An individual may get insecure of his/ her partner’s strengths and use emotional manipulation in such a case. She says, “For example, a husband knows that his wife has good communication skills. So in front of his friends and family, he would try to add in unnecessarily to conversations to prove his superiority. He might try to bring up an old, unrelated incident, and pitch in without letting his wife complete.”
You end up losing your moral compass
If you feel that the values that you held so dear to yourself have now been compromised in this relationship, and you end up questioning your sanity every now and then, you are being emotionally manipulated.
Some examples of psychological manipulation in relationships – “Hey, I know you don’t want to have sex, but how will you ever know whether you like it or not if you never try?” or, “Why don’t you just take one drag of this cigarette, maybe, you will love it.”
In the name of love
Emotional manipulation can only happen if two people are emotionally connected. Other people use you, but only those you love can emotionally manipulate you.”
Emotional manipulation is pretty common. We do it a lot, unknowingly. Two people love and hence know each other well enough to understand each other’s weaknesses. So, they know exactly what they should say or do to get their work done.”
“A wife makes pizza for her husband, and he buys jewels/flowers for her. A child emotionally convinces his/her mother, so that he can go out. All these are subtle, harmless forms of emotional manipulation. It’s pretty natural since emotions are getting exchanged,” she adds.
And then there is manipulation masked as love. An example of female manipulation in relationships – “You love me right? Prove it, unfollow this girl.” Or if he says, “I know I get extremely jealous often, but it’s only because I love you so much.” Both these are prime examples of manipulation disguised as love. Do their actions and words match? That’s for you to recognize.
They make you feel bad about yourself
Examples of manipulation in relationships can include constant criticism and nastiness to diminish your self-esteem. You may start internalizing that they are better and they know more, but it’s just their way of gaining power over you so that they feel superior.
“Listen, isn’t that skirt a little too short?” or, “Damn, you’d look better if you were taller!” are some emotional manipulation examples.
Bullying
If they shout at you and use dehumanizing words or behaviours, well then, they are examples of manipulation in relationships. Their outbursts and tendency to create a scene to embarrass you are tools to make you feel so scared that you stop speaking, out of fear. This is emotional or social bullying. It is also among signs your partner has anger issues.
Another form of bullying is intellectual bullying, where a person makes you feel like they know more about a subject than you do. For example, “Are you dumb or what? How difficult is it for your brains to grasp this?”
They twist your words
Ever felt like whatever you say gets misinterpreted, turned around, loses its original meaning and ends up becoming something else altogether? These are also among examples of manipulation in relationships.
They might also downplay their mistakes or behaviour so that they get the benefit of your kindness. Emotional manipulation examples? If they say something along the lines of, “I misbehaved. But you know me right? I don’t do things without a reason.”
Love-Bombing
Expensive trips, dinners and public displays of praise are right up there as examples of manipulation in relationships. These are often signs of unhealthy attachment, guilt and narcissistic traits since an emotional manipulator expects their “generosity” to be recognized. They just want to gain all your trust, just so that they can control you later. It’s like they are ‘buying’ you but in a more sophisticated manner. In their head, it’s okay to treat you in inhumane ways, as long as they make up for it materially.
They use you for their needs
Unmet emotional needs fall under emotional manipulation examples. They expect you to show up all the time, but when you need them, they are emotionally unavailable.
There can be emotional manipulation among friends too. She says, “Imagine A and B are close girlfriends, and a guy, C, comes along and gets close to A. Now, if B tries to get close to the guy, it’s emotional manipulation and cheating on her friend.”
Stonewalling and silent treatment
When it comes to manipulation tactics in relationships, another one is called ‘stonewalling’ wherein one person from the relationship refuses to communicate and basically withdraws from the conversation. He or she uses silence to gain control over you and make you feel responsible for your behaviour.
Ghosting, selective memory and lies by omission are some of the emotional manipulation examples. Another such technique is passive aggression – they don’t necessarily express that they are angry, but their body movements and actions speak otherwise.
Playing ‘Hot’ and ‘Cold’
You change your mind like a girl changes clothes..cuz you’re hot, then you’re cold, you’re yes, then you’re no…”
Types of manipulative relationships include ones where a partner’s mood swings are so extreme that the highs are very emotionally charged and the lows are depressive. If your relationship constantly swings between the absolutes of ‘pleasure’ and ‘pain’, you’re in an emotionally manipulative one.
