Finding out your partner has been cheating can leave you feeling hurt, angry and confused. But as painful as it feels when you find out, it’s what you do next that can be particularly tricky (sorry to break it to you). Moving on—whether alone or with your partner—calls for a healthy dose of listening, which is probably the last thing you’re in the mood to do with someone who betrayed you. But, trust me, hearing your partner out will help you feel more grounded when things are at their rockiest.
After all, it’s either this or allowing your imagination to run wild with answers to “Why do people cheat?” that are sure to send you down an endless rabbit hole. With all the information at your disposal, you’ll be able to come up with a game plan for what comes next so you can come out on the other side of all this.
To be honest, when you first ask your partner why they cheated, you might get a few iterations of “it just happened,” but that’s rarely the case. In fact, there are a ton of reasons someone might cheat, and it all comes down to, well, the cheater, says.
Cheating in a relationship can have many causes, and it’s often a complex issue that involves a variety of factors. Some of the most common reasons why people cheat on their partners include:
They’re falling out of love.
For some, cheating can be a way of sabotaging their relationship. Cheating is essentially a stepping stone out of their marriage or relationship. They may want out, but are just too afraid to speak up or would rather avoid conflict than confront it directly. So, instead of doing something about it, they’ll hold on to their comfortable life with you and go and make new connections with someone else, too.
Lack of emotional or physical satisfaction
One of the most common reasons why people cheat is because they feel unsatisfied or unfulfilled in their current relationship. This could be due to a lack of emotional intimacy, sexual satisfaction, or both.
Opportunity
Some people may cheat simply because they have the opportunity to do so. This could be because they work with someone who they find attractive, or because they are in a situation where they are away from their partner for an extended period of time.
Emotional instability
People who are emotionally unstable or have a history of infidelity may be more likely to cheat on their partners. They may have difficulty with commitment or may feel a need for attention and validation from multiple partners. Someone with commitment issues will use cheating as a way to tame their fears. “The commitment-phobic person who marries anyway may use cheating to deal with their constant fear they have been trapped and to mentally tell themselves they aren’t truly committed because they can choose to go elsewhere at any time. While this is technically true, they’re putting their relationship in danger, and ultimately risking the supposedly monogamous relationship they’d committed to.
Revenge
Some people may cheat as a form of revenge or retaliation against their partner for real or perceived wrongs. In some relationships, when one partner cheats, the other may be tempted to get back at them by doing the same thing. They think this kind of revenge will make the other partner understand how hurtful their behaviour was. But this is rarely the case. “This never ends well, as generally the [relationship] has become so toxic it’s better off ending.” Other times, a partner may treat cheating as some sort of punishment, even if the other partner hasn’t cheated. This will inevitably make the relationship a lot worse.
Lack of communication
A breakdown in communication between partners can also contribute to cheating. If one partner feels neglected or ignored, they may seek attention and validation from someone else.
Boredom
People who are bored in their current relationship may also be more likely to cheat. They may feel like they need more excitement or novelty in their lives and may seek that out through infidelity. If your partner gives this as a reason, cheating is usually prompted by more than just boredom. “It’s more a matter of not enough sex or an unwillingness to try something exceedingly important to their partner than pure boredom.” This is one instance where both partners should identify what each could be doing better—if they’re both willing to try a repair the relationship. Cheating is inexcusable, but compromise is necessary to save any failing or toxic relationship.
For financial satisfaction
Financial stress or disparities in income can put a strain on a relationship and create a sense of dissatisfaction or unmet needs. If one partner feels they are not getting their financial needs met, they may be more likely to seek out someone who can provide for them.
It’s important to note that cheating is never justified and can have serious consequences for both partners in a relationship. If you are feeling unsatisfied or unhappy in your relationship, it’s important to communicate openly with your partner and work together to find solutions rather than turning to infidelity.
By: Benjamin Freshhope Mensah
