How To Teach Your Lover To Romance You

In a relationship, we often assume that our partners should know our likes and dislikes. We believe that they should understand us without having to explain everything to them. However, that’s not always the case. It would be wonderful if our partners knew how to be romantic and fulfil our desires without us needing to tell them, but the truth is that most people have no idea what their partners want. Teaching your partner how to romance you is a thoughtful and important aspect of a healthy, loving relationship. Since romance can differ from person to person, it’s crucial to communicate your preferences and needs openly and honestly. Here are some steps that can guide you in teaching your lover how to romance you:

  • Open communication

Honest and open communication is key in any relationship. Talk to your partner about your desires and expectations when it comes to romance. Encourage them to share their thoughts and preferences as well.

  • Give your lover the clues.

This isn’t as easy as it sounds because, if you are like me, you don’t know what you want. How can your lover know what you want if you don’t know yourself? To help figure out what you want, think about these questions: Romance is the way your lover shows their love for you. What words or actions make you feel adored? When you watch other happy couples together, what do they have that you pine for? When you watch romantic movies or read romantic books, what do the characters do or say that makes you swoon? Think back to when you were happier in your relationship. How did they romance you then?

  • Don’t fault the good

You can’t fault your lover for bringing you chocolate when you are on a low-carb diet. You can’t fault them for taking you out for hot wings when they should know already that you despise spicy food. You can’t fault them for buying you flowers when you just want to hear the words, “I love you.”

  • Self-awareness

Start by understanding your own romantic preferences. Reflect on what makes you feel loved, appreciated, and cherished. Consider your love languages, personal interests, and past experiences that have made you feel special.


  • Choose the right time

Find a suitable moment to discuss your feelings and needs. It’s important to do this when you both have time to focus on the conversation without distractions.

  • Be specific

When expressing your desires, be clear and specific about what makes you feel loved and romanced. Use examples to illustrate your points. For instance, if receiving surprise gifts makes you feel cherished, tell your partner.

  • Listen and empathize

While sharing your thoughts, also be open to your partner’s perspective. Listen actively to their feelings and needs, and be empathetic to their desires as well. Remember, it’s a two-way street.

  • Create a romantic vision together

Work together to create a vision of what your ideal romantic relationship looks like. Discuss activities, gestures, and experiences that you both find romantic and fulfilling.

  • Experiment and adapt

Start implementing the ideas you discussed and experiment with different romantic gestures. Pay attention to what resonates with both of you and adapt your approach as necessary.

  • Keep the element of surprise

While it’s essential to communicate your preferences, maintaining an element of surprise can add excitement to your relationship. Your partner can surprise you with romantic gestures they think you’ll enjoy.

  • Show appreciation

When your partner makes an effort to romance you in a way that aligns with your desires, express your gratitude and appreciation. This positive reinforcement can encourage them to continue these actions.

  • Be patient and understanding

Change takes time, and it’s possible that your partner may not always get it right immediately. Be patient and understanding, and provide constructive feedback when necessary.

  • Revisit the conversation

As your relationship evolves, revisit the conversation about your romantic preferences. Our desires can change over time, so it’s important to keep the lines of communication open.

  • Seek professional help if needed

If you and your partner face challenges in understanding each other’s romantic needs and desires, consider seeking the assistance of a couples therapist or counsellor who can facilitate productive communication.

Teaching your lover to romance you is an ongoing process that requires effort from both parties. By communicating openly, being considerate, and working together, you can create a more romantic and fulfilling relationship.

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