How to end a relationship on good terms? This is a question many people ask when they look for the best ways to end the relationship, sometimes even over text. Yes, the end of a relationship is a bitter pill to swallow for the one who gets dumped. It is not an easy thing for the one who decides to pull the plug either. What to say to end a relationship is not something that should be taken lightly.
Ending a relationship on good terms mainly requires a smattering of patience and a good chunk of compassion. Yes, breaking up on good terms does not take a lot of extra effort, but on the bright side, it also helps in avoiding a lot of drama and messy emotions. For breaking up on good terms, you just have to stay focused on the end goal – not letting your equation with your soon-to-be-ex turn so bitter that you can’t be in each other’s life anymore.
Not only does it requires kindness on the part of the doer, but also a great deal of strength to end up going back and forth. Nobody needs a roller coaster of emotions at a time like this. The more grace and finesse, the smoother the breakup.
To be brutally honest, no amount of tips and tricks is going to make ending a relationship easy on anyone. To end it well, you require an even greater deal of determination and understanding. If one of the partners throws fits, tantrums and allegations – it could probably never end well.
While you can’t control how your partner will react to your decision to end things with them, you can certainly make an effort of breaking up on good terms. Breaking off peacefully can be done only if a person uses the correct words and can effectively gauge which feelings they must present. That entails a lot of introspection and practice before you sit across from your partner and tell them you want to break up.
Here are 10 ways on how to end a relationship on good terms:
1. Do it face-to-face
To end a relationship on good terms, you must do it in person. Nobody needs a death note mailed to their inbox or postbox. I’m sure you would not prefer that mode either. Breaking up over text is also very impersonal and rude.
The lack of online intimacy allows people to put a cap on their emotions instead of talking it out honestly. That’s when ghosting mostly happens. Laila’s boyfriend of six years fell in love with someone else whilst away for a six-month-long onsite project. However, he thought it best to not tell her that over email or even a video call.
Instead, he flew back over a long weekend and explained to her how he felt. Laila was heartbroken but she understood where he was coming from. The fact that he flew across the country to tell her that he was over her softened the blow. Today, they’re still good friends who stand by each other through thick and thin.
Do not just take the easy way out, and tell your partner about your decision face-to-face. You can give them closure this way and end a relationship on good terms.
2. Avoid public places
Such a grave exchange of emotions requires a freer atmosphere for both individuals to express themselves correctly. Your partner might want to cry, emote or say certain things to you which might be inhibited in a public place. It is difficult to ascertain how a person might behave after a breakup.
Any kind of repression might evolve in an unhealthy manner and be released later on in unfriendly ways. A simple setting at home is ideal. Whether the breakup ends up being short or prolonged, the comfort of being at home is unquestionable.
If there is a chance of drama or things turn messy then the walls in the house will shield you. Eventually, you can have the break up on good terms.
3. Plan out the reasons you mean to bring up
A breakup should not resemble a work presentation and you do not need to be reading from a curated list. However, clarity is important. You must be aware of every reason behind your decision to break up.
To end a relationship on good terms, both partners should have a good understanding of what went wrong. Thus, make a mental list of instances, occurrences and thoughts that you want to bring up during the conversation.
Knowing what went wrong will help both of you get closure and you can move on without bitterness or resentment. But when you talk about the reasons ensure you do not get into a messy mud-slinging match. Focus on stating facts and your own feelings without placing blame.
4. Don’t just listen but also process
When you are ending a relationship, you have already decided that it is what you want to do. Your partner might try to convince you otherwise even though the decision is set in stone for you. However, you should not shut your ears to what they have to say.
Even though you are adamant about sticking to your decision of breaking up, you owe it to them to fully comprehend their take on the same. They deserve to be heard well. Compassion goes a long way in ending a relationship on good terms.
Listen to what they have to say. Do not make that “I am not interested anymore” face and sit there. Because what they have to say will be important in helping you to break up on good terms.
5. Avoid inflammatory words to end a relationship on good terms
Terms like ‘your fault’, ‘I cannot believe you’ or ‘stay away from me’ should be completely thrown out of your vocabulary for that moment if you want to end a relationship in a good way. An accusatory tone and harmful words will only fuel a potentially volatile situation. Ending a relationship as an adult requires maturity in your choice of words.
What to say to end a relationship requires great pondering. Replace your argument with words like ‘I’ve been feeling strongly that’, or ‘I hope you do not take this too personally’ or ‘I’ve been uncomfortable lately’.
These words will help you to avoid a messy breakup. If you have been planning to end the relationship on text then let them know in advance that it’s not working anymore. Springing a surprise on text is not the one thing.
6. Mention the good times
A relationship, even if it didn’t last, must have made you happy at some point and contributed to your growth as a person. To remind your partner that you would continue cherishing them, bring up the good times a little. What to say to end a relationship also involves some happy and positive chitter-chatter.
Mention the times they made you feel less alone or taught you an important lesson. Good breakup etiquette requires the perfect balance of emotional release. A few final endearing terms will definitely end the relationship on great terms.
A breakup will not necessarily be calm and collected from the beginning. Even if you do end up arguing and thrashing each other, this is a great way to reconnect after the big fight. Sharing old memories and laughing is a good way of ending a relationship
7. Discuss taking time off before being friends again
When ending a relationship, it is not ideal to be friends immediately after. A decent time apart is good for emotional recuperation and self-growth. It is a good idea to agree upon a duration for which you’d like to follow the no contact rule. Whether it is 6 months, a year or more, that is up to you.
Laila and her boyfriend, for instance, didn’t speak to each other for the rest of the time that he was away for his project. When he returned after three months, he touched base with Laila but she politely told him that she needed more time before she could even consider meeting him again. He understood. It was a year before they could start talking to each other again.
Your ex too may need time before they’re ready to be in your life again, despite your efforts to leave a relationship on good terms. You too need that time apart to process your emotions. If you are feeling any kind of negative emotions chances are you would flare up if you talk to them. So, if you want things to resume a platonic relationship after breaking up on good terms stay away for at least 6 months.
8. Be open to hearing your own mistakes
To end a relationship on good terms, you might have to take some hits too. If the relationship has been going downhill for a while, chances are that your partner will have a few things to complain of their own about your role in it.
Even if they are just harmless mistakes, their decision to bring them up can sting, especially when you’re trying to end a relationship in a good way. If they bring up some of your shortcomings, do not be baffled, or worse, act like an egomaniac. Listen intently, and apologize if need be.
How to end a relationship on good terms? Be open to hearing about the mistakes you made, from your partner. You are not infallible, so if they tell you where you went wrong you should be willing to listen to that.
9. Thank them for their presence in your life
For ending a relationship on good terms, sprinkle a little gratitude in your conversation. I’m sure things would not have always been sour. Their presence in your life will always stay with you and you must thank them for the same.
Telling him it’s over does not have to be a bitter or hateful affair. It can end with a soft caress, a sweet kiss and an honest ‘Thank you.
Yes, we know this is easier said than done. But if you are breaking with someone you have loved deeply then it’s hard to end things on bad terms. Isn’t it?
10. Don’t turn a blind eye to their tears
Crying is only a natural release during something so heart-wrenching. Even though you want to be detached, does not mean you should not comfort your partner.
Nolan wept like a baby when his long-term girlfriend, Kiera, with whom he was deeply in love, told him that she wanted to end things. His emotions swung from anger to hurt, culminating with him sobbing into his hands. Keira held him through it all, comforting him and telling him that she was sorry for causing him so much hurt. That helped Nolan get through not just the breakup conversation but also its aftermath.
To cause minimal hurt to your partner, allow yourself to hold them and care for them at that moment. A warm embrace can make any moment lighter. It’s this hug they would remember all their life and it would banish the negative feelings they had been harbouring so far. This is a good way of ending a relationship on good terms.