Exploring the Complex Causes of Divorce in the 21st Century

Marriage has always been a cornerstone of human society, symbolizing the union of two individuals bound by love and commitment. However, the 21st century has brought about significant shifts in societal norms, economic dynamics, and communication patterns, contributing to a changing landscape of relationships and marriages. Amid these transformations, divorce rates have seen both fluctuations and increases, prompting us to delve into the multifaceted causes behind the dissolution of marriages in this modern era.

Cultural shifts in attitude and behaviour over the past 75 years have helped to redefine both why and who we choose to marry. In turn, these shifting beliefs have also normalized and largely eliminated the stigma that once shrouded divorce. The idea of marriage as a lifelong commitment – often for the primary purpose of having and raising children – has changed significantly, gradually evolving into an emphasis on individual fulfilment and satisfaction.

Over time, the United States has transitioned from a country where divorce was virtually unheard of, and building a successful marriage was considered a top priority, to a place with one of the highest divorce rates in the world. Despite increased access to marital education, marriage counselling, and family therapy, divorce is an ever-constant reality in our society. However, some issues come up frequently among couples on the road to Splitsville – including conflict, infidelity, poor communication, incompatibility, and lack of romantic intimacy or sex.

Let’s take a step further and explore some of the causes of divorce in the 21st Century

Shifts in Gender Roles and Expectations

The traditional roles and expectations associated with gender have undergone profound changes in the 21st century. With more women entering the workforce and striving for personal ambitions, the dynamics within marriages have evolved. While gender equality is a pivotal achievement, it has also led to challenges related to balancing responsibilities at home and work. These shifting dynamics can sometimes lead to stress, misunderstandings, and conflicts, which in turn contribute to the breakdown of marital bonds.

Communication in the Digital Age

The rise of technology and the digital age has revolutionized the way people communicate and interact. While it has facilitated connectivity, it has also introduced new challenges. In an era marked by constant connectivity, individuals often find themselves distracted by screens, leading to reduced quality time spent together. Moreover, the prevalence of social media platforms can amplify jealousy, mistrust, and comparisons, further straining relationships. The inability to communicate effectively and address these challenges can erode the foundation of marriage.

Lack of Emotional and/or Physical Intimacy

Emotional and physical intimacy “grease the wheels” of a smooth-running relationship. When they’re gone, however, serious relationship issues often take their place. Communication breakdown, anger, resentment, sadness, loneliness, infidelity, and greatly diminished self-esteem are some of the most serious issues – and left untreated, they can irreparably damage a relationship and pave the road to divorce.

When emotional intimacy is low or non-existent, your sex life will probably suffer as well. When you feel emotionally distant or disconnected from your spouse, your marriage may become a sexless one. To reignite the spark, try to remember why you fell in love with your spouse and make a conscious effort to view them through those lenses.

Also, think about what you used to love doing together and carve out time to do those things together again. Spending quality time doing something you both enjoy can help to rebuild emotional intimacy, which can lead to physical intimacy. Emotional and physical intimacy is like super-glue to strengthen your love and marriage bonds.

Economic Pressures and Financial Strain

Economic factors continue to play a significant role in marital discord. The 21st century has seen economic fluctuations, recessions, and job insecurities, all of which can create stress within a marriage. Financial strain can lead to disagreements over spending, saving, and lifestyle choices. The inability to navigate these issues harmoniously may result in marital breakdowns, as financial stability is closely linked to overall well-being.

Addiction: Alcohol, Drugs, Gambling, or Sex

There are many different types and degrees of addiction, and many top professionals – politicians, businesspeople, doctors, lawyers, portfolio managers, actors, and athletes, to name a few – have been able to hide their addiction successfully as they rose to the top.

Their spouses may be blissfully unaware, willing to look the other way in return for lifestyle/economic benefits, or gaslighted into believing they’re crazy to suspect their spouse’s addiction. No matter how the moment of truth arrives, it is always shattering. Whether the marriage can survive depends on several factors – including the addict’s willingness and ability to take responsibility for their addiction, a genuine desire to seek treatment, and a lifelong commitment to recovery.

One Spouse Not Carrying Their Weight in the Marriage

We all know marriages like this: both spouses work full-time, but only one of them takes responsibility for grocery shopping and cooking, household chores, and child-rearing. Over time, the spouse whose work doesn’t end when they get home can build up a powerful resentment against the other, and unless the situation is addressed and rectified, the marriage could spiral down into divorce.

Sit down and list everything that needs to be done to keep the household running smoothly. Then place a name beside each task, making sure to divide the chores equitably. Don’t forget to add your children’s names to tasks they are old enough to tackle or help with – from setting the table to washing the dishes to mowing the lawn to vacuuming the carpets.

“Not carrying your weight” extends to romance and intimacy; if one partner is the only one making romantic gestures, arranging date nights, or initiating sex, that will also take a toll on the marriage.

Absence of Romantic Intimacy or Love

This one is far too common given how busy and stressful our lives are – especially when you add driving the kids to football/ hockey/ baseball/ballet/orchestra/theater/choir practice before and after school into the mix. Too many couples prioritize everything except their relationships, and then one partner is blindsided when the other says, “I want a divorce.” Contrary to popular belief, romantic love is not self-sustaining: without carving out quality time for intimacy and fun as a couple – not just as a family – love withers like a plant without water or sunshine.

Create a weekly carved-in-stone date night. For example, go to bed or wake up earlier and use the time for daily physical (cuddling and/or sex) and emotional intimacy. Remember what you loved doing while you were dating, then start doing those things again before it’s too late!

Marrying Too Young

A study from the University of Utah suggests that the perfect age to get married is between 28 and 32. This is because those who marry young most likely don’t fully grasp marriage. This could be a reason why a lot of young married couples get divorced. About 46% of couples who get married young get divorced. Also, 48% of couples who marry before they turn 18 are most likely to get divorced in 10 years, compared to 25% of people who marry after the age of 25.

Lack of Shared Interests / Incompatibility Between Partners

Opposites may attract, but similarities are what bind. With no shared interests, you will either start spending less and less time with your spouse as you pursue your hobbies and passions or give them up in favour of your spouse’s interests. Both of these strategies will build resentment and weaken the bond you share. If you hope to stay together, you will likely need marriage counselling and a willingness to compromise.

For example, if he loves bowling and she loves dancing, he could bowl with his buddies on Thursdays while she goes dancing with her girlfriends – and then they identify something they both love and do that on “Friday date night.” This applies to every area of your shared life: from household chores to choosing which extracurricular activities their children will do. If you cannot reach a compromise that both of you can commit to, your incompatibility may lead to divorce.

Redefinition of Individuality and Autonomy

As societies have become more focused on individualism and personal autonomy, some couples find themselves struggling to strike a balance between their individual aspirations and their roles within a marriage. Pursuing personal growth and independence is crucial, but when taken to extremes, it can lead to emotional distance and a lack of shared goals. Marriages can suffer when partners prioritize their individual desires over the collective journey they embarked upon together.

Changing Notions of Commitment

In the 21st century, the definition of commitment within marriages has evolved. The cultural narrative around commitment has shifted from a more rigid, lifelong bond to an emphasis on personal happiness and fulfilment. While the focus on individual well-being is essential, it can sometimes lead to a lack of willingness to work through challenges, as the concept of “giving up” gains acceptance in some circles. This changing perspective on commitment can contribute to higher divorce rates.

Conclusion

The causes of divorce in the 21st century are a complex interplay of societal shifts, technological advancements, economic pressures, and changing attitudes towards relationships. While the evolution of these factors is inevitable, it is imperative that individuals, couples, and societies at large recognize the challenges they present and work towards solutions. Open and honest communication, adaptability, and a shared commitment to growth can help navigate the complexities of modern marriages and foster relationships that stand the test of time.

Luckily, in spite of the challenges that married couples face during the course of a relationship, the likelihood of divorce declines as the length of marriage increases. In addition, resources like marriage counselling, relationship education and family law therapists assist couples in resolving conflict and building healthy marriages before the divorce becomes inevitable.

If marriage partners are able to approach their relationship with open minds in order to avoid the disappointment of unrealistic, unmet expectations, they will remain flexible throughout their marriage to overcome the challenges they encounter.

By:  Benjamin Freshhope Mensah