Sex is fun only when both partners feel confident in each other’s presence. If either of you has inhibitions, you will hold back that energy in bed. There is no fun and it can literally be a buzzkill. So, to boost your sexual confidence, here are the best tried and tested ways that may help.
As humans, it’s natural to not feel confident in every single thing that we do in our lives. Between having imposter syndrome about work to being insecure about our bodies, it’s a constant struggle we go through more times than we’d like to admit. But if there’s one topic we don’t talk enough about amongst our friends or loved ones, it’s being self-conscious in the bedroom.
As taboo as the topic of sex can be, it’s imperative to understand how it can affect our lives. Because before we even engage in the act, cultural, familial, and psychological factors influence our view and relationship with sex, whether we like it or not. This, in turn, can either prevent or allow us to have healthy sexual self-esteem once we do decide to do it.
However, our cultural and familial environments can influence our sexual state of minds. When we think about individuals and their ability to have confidence in the bedroom, we must seek a deeper understanding of trauma. Oftentimes, trauma can be experienced in ways that are not necessarily physical but rather mental or emotional due to shame from family members, friends, the media, religious beliefs, or even cultural identities.
While the experience of trauma is different for everyone, it can help bring to light why we’re feeling self-conscious about this natural part of our lives in the first place, even when we think everything is okay for the most part. “It’s important to remember that even if one believes they have overcome a traumatic experience, the body itself holds on to the experience of trauma and can sometimes express trauma in ways we did not anticipate.
Having a lack of sex confidence doesn’t mean something is wrong with you, and whether it’s because of trauma, your culture, or the familial environment in which you were brought up, there’s a way to unlearn those negative thought patterns to build up your confidence and rewrite your sexual narrative
Stop feeling the “shame”
Being too aware of your body and those marks here and there or that cellulite never affect the sex. In fact, if someone is noticing these things and making you feel bad about how your body looks then he/she should not be the one in your bed any way. If you do not love yourself, how can you expect the other to do that? Accept how you look because sex is all about positivity for the best experience.
Let them know you want it
That time to be coy is gone! In fact, even in the era of being coy, we had flowers meeting, lyrics of some questionable yet very famous songs doing the talking for us. Today you can and you must bring all that into practice in a classy way- be direct! If you want to have sex with your partner, then let them know and be straightforward.
You will be shocked as to how much he/she wanted you to say it. Be open about how you feel. If you have inhibitions, discuss them. If you feel your dark inner thighs will look bad, tell them that this is how you feel and if he/she has issues with that, you know who is in the wrong!
Lights
Who says sex has to be done in pitch dark or in a well-lit place? You can dim the lights too. Light a candle or two. This is a trick which has helped many people with low confidence issues.
Good Music
Music is the best at any given moment. When it comes to sex, it can break the ice, set the mood, and determine the flow of all that sexual energy as well. It lifts up your spirits. Play some background music that you love and watch the confidence grow threefold.
Prep before sex
To shed all inhibitions, deal with the sex fears, and talk it all out. Do you have fantasies? Let your partner know. Do you have some creepy or very funny habits? Tell them, so that you both know what page you are on. This will help both of you relax. Once you have a better understanding of your needs, body, and history, then you may feel more comfortable talking with your partner(s) about what you want and don’t want.
However, it’s important to communicate about this before you engage in any sexual act. This can help solidify an understanding about your boundaries, possible shame triggers, and kinks you may feel safe and comfortable doing with your partner(s). “I do believe the conversations around sexuality and potential sex insecurities should happen prior to hopping in bed with your partner(s). Sex is an intimate experience that is shared with one person, multiple people, [or] a group of individuals, whether at one time or an individual session.”
Learn to develop routines and habits that’ll get you in the mood.
Once everything is out in the open, you may be able to take the next step with your partner(s) by creating rituals that’ll help you build your confidence together. Just like the self-care rituals you do every night, through your exploration, you may discover what instantly works for you and your partner to become aroused more easily and confidently.
While it’s important to understand yourself, it’s just as vital to comprehend your partner’s wants and needs to build your self-confidence. By listening to what they like and observing their responses, you both can develop routines and habits that’ll safely enhance the sexual experience for both of you.
While discovering your sexual desires and building your sexual confidence might feel like a never-ending endeavour, don’t panic. Remember to be patient with yourself. With consent, you’ll be able to uncover your history, wants, and needs when it comes to sex.
Communicate the journey you’re going on with your partner(s) who you trust, and try to stay open and curious during this time. Nothing is going to go smoothly, but that could be fun. As long as you’re kind and don’t pressure yourself to do things you don’t want to do, then everything should work in your favour.
Safely explore your interests
Whether you’re in a romantic relationship(s) or not, it’s important to try what you think you may like before you have sex with someone else. When you don’t have anyone else to worry about, you’re able to focus on yourself and your pleasure and discover what works and doesn’t work for your body.
You can complete a body scan to better understand your interests and body. “It’s worth taking time to reflect on how you feel about your body — every part of it. Think about what parts you like and dislike. Are there parts that you feel ashamed of? Reflect on all of it, as a lack of confidence can show up in subtle ways.
While this could bring up uncomfortable, insecure feelings, a body scan can help you begin to uncover your wants and needs. Are there certain parts of your body you’d prefer to be touched? Are there ways your body responds to certain techniques better over others? Do you prefer to use your hands or vibrators? The more you realize what turns you on and what doesn’t, the more confident you may feel to be able to communicate about it to your partner(s).
