Making mistakes in bed is completely normal. When you are still understanding your body sexually or finding that chemistry with your partner, sex can be far from perfect and definitely not as easy as it seems in porn. The idealized version that we see online is far from reality. A lack of sex education also contributes to this, making the whole idea of sex seem elusive and strange to a lot of people. This leads to men and women committing mistakes during sex.
There is truly no manual that can teach one how to have sex. In fact, one person’s sexual landscape can be markedly different from the other’s, and that’s why it is always worth exploring and trying new things in bed. Be it kinks, having multiple partners or using toys – sex is beautiful when it is evolving.
There is no right or wrong way to make love. It should be an organic course of physical communication. When you are attracted, when you are in love, your body knows how to please and be pleased. Our social conditioning has created stigmas and bound heterosexual couples to follow certain unspoken manners. Good sex is what you make of it, and not just what is told to you.
Yes, having been brainwashed into the idea of what amounts to a perfect session, we need to consciously break conventions. These conventions also put undue pressure on us during our intimate moments. Try letting go of the role you think you need to perform to perfection and let your senses guide you.
Interestingly, there are some broad rules that you can still follow when indulging in sex. These rules only contribute to having a better mutual understanding and a great experience for both partners. Based on the framework of these broad rules, we bring you six mistakes in bed that you can avoid making:
Yes, that is a mistake a lot of people make too often. Consent and not having it has a flimsy divide. So, do not assume. If she has looked at you with some heat, blushed at your touch; if you have felt him kiss you back, noticed the hint of a boner, don’t assume.
Our bodies react sometimes even when our minds are not ready to commit. It is often implied that asking for consent is breaking the instinctive romance of the moment. Know that the question is not to be blamed but your inability to make it romantic. The importance of consent is foremost when having sex. Learn to ask and back off at a “no”. One of the sex mistakes men make is trying to be persuasive despite hearing a no. (Mind you, we often associate the idea of consent with women. Please know that ‘a man thinks with his penis’ is also a myth… So ask him too.)
2. Foreplay is overrated
Rather it needs more attention than you figured. Having been brought up with a mixture of heavily censored Indian films and pornographic hyper-realism (garnished with white skin fantasies), our sexual expectation and performance have a rather confused identity. The body is indeed a wonderland, but we often tend to get carried away by the heavily sexualized parts, thanks to the heteronormative media.
The breasts are indeed fun but did you ever try to explore the unattended parts? Like the hollow of her neck, the underside of her knees, the small of her back… you get the drift. One of the biggest mistakes guys make in bed is forgetting all these other curves and parts of a woman’s body. Having said that, dear women, please go ahead and enjoy his body too. It is a two-way process. Before you go south, navigate through his body and get surprised by his response. (Note: Build your climax, but don’t stretch it to the point of exhausting yourselves.)
3. But is that not what is expected?
Yes, oral sex can give you heights of pleasure that sometimes even intercourse cannot. But know that one neither owes him anything nor her. Receiving oral pleasure is extremely enjoyable, as is generally agreed upon by both sexes. But performing it might not be pleasurable for some. One of the mistakes women make while having sex is forcing themselves to go down on their partner even when they don’t want to. The same can be said for men too. They might just feel the pressure to pleasure a woman and assume that they have to orally pleasure her.
Please do not make yourself uncomfortable just to satisfy your partner. Often poor personal hygiene gets in the way of oral pleasure. You definitely don’t want your olfactory system near such poorly maintained private parts. Try keeping them healthy for your own sake and your partner’s. (Note: It is just not your privates, but make sure you scrub yourself clean. It is always nice to see the effort when your partner does their best to make you comfortable.) Oral sex is not a duty
4. Going skin on skin
Easy cowboy, my gynaecologist has a few things to say about your “finishing outside” skills. Please understand that I know one wants no barriers in bed, but unfortunately, a flimsy bit of plastic is a must. Especially with casual sex, when you do not have each other’s medical history checked, please take memories and not STDs from the experience.
There are many ways to protect yourself from STDs and restricting skin on skin contact unless you are sure of your partner’s sexual history and are in a strictly monogamous relationship tops that list. You can enjoy it better without the question “what if” lingering at the back of your head.
5. I don’t need protection
If you are not trying to conceive, please use protection. Did you know the little swimmers have been accused of pre-cum pregnancy? Yes, you heard that right. Even a condom cannot give you a foolproof guarantee, why rely on your confidence? It would be a more relaxed experience without having to stress about withdrawing.
(Also women, stop counting days for the safe window in your cycle. Let me burst your bubble, it is not that safe.)
6. It is not gross to have sex while she is on her periods
Kudos! You have successfully overcome the stigma around sex during menstruation. Taking into account the crazy hormones and lack of lubricant needs, the act can be highly enjoyable during this time, but it is suggested that you only perform safe sex during this time. One of the sex mistakes women make is refraining from sex because they are on their period. Well, cross that myth off because having sex on your period can be great.
But be careful and prepared about a few things. There is a high chance of contracting infection because the vagina is in a vulnerable situation during this period. Now, please go ahead and break the taboo.
7. Checked the to-do list
Having just jotted down a list, let me tell you that we often forget to enjoy amidst checking off the to-do list in bed. But the sensory experience of sex relies on your primal instincts. Submission and domination are not gendered roles, but individual instincts based on sexual compatibility.
One of the sex mistakes men make under pressure is following a list of things to do instead of just letting their bodies guide them. Do note that while going by your instinct your adventures should not try to exceed your athletic capabilities. Accept the limits of each other’s bodies and enjoy.
Mistakes in bed are only natural. But once you have educated yourself and are ready to have a good time, sex can be the most enjoyable experience for you. Just follow our tips and you will be good to go.